Things We Don't Have

I heard the most fascinating thing the other day while grabbing some food.  This particular establishment had a line up of large coffee thermoses, if you will, kind of like in the style that, say, Einstein's used to have, with probably about 6-7 varieties.  While making the difficult decision, a worker came up, interrupted my thought process, and asked, "Let me know if you'd like any coffee that we don't have."

This, of course, puzzled the living heck out of me and left me momentarily speechless.  How exactly does one answer this question?!  What does that even mean?!  These were the initial things that popped into my head, and then about all I could manage to squeak out was a "um, okay, thanks."  I mean, what can you possibly say to this question after all?

I then pondered this even more.  Was he saying that he had more coffee in the back and that he'd get it if it was requested?  Or, was he asking for opinions for possible additional flavors and styles, like, "...I really wish you had X coffee..."?  My personal favorite hypothesis, though, was that he meant it literally; "let me know if you'd like any coffee that we don't have".  Hmm.

I then couldn't resist but run with this in my mind a bit.  Maybe this guy ALWAYS talks like this - could you imagine?  He walks into a bank:  "Hi, I'd like to withdraw some money...that I don't have".  "Here's my ATM card...that I left at home".  "I'll place the funds into my wallet...which is in my other trousers".  Or, maybe he asks other patrons at the food establishment, "Tell me if you'd like to order something off of the menu...that we don't actually make".  "Would you like to add avocado...which we don't keep on hand?"  I mean, imagine the possibilities here!  This could be a very interesting world to live in and it immediately made me want to be his friend, just to see exactly how far this curious line of communication could actually go.  Then again (sigh), it's probably more much likely that he either had a slip of the tongue or it was simply a language barrier.  Still, ah, yes, I much prefer my version.

We all know that communication is going down the toilet.  The English language has certainly been bastardized by the likes of texting, laziness, and an overall feeling that proper communication is simply unimportant.  I personally think it's a huge part of what we all hate about daily life now and the demise of common courtesy...and yet most people don't seem to want to admit it or do a thing to change it.  Therefore, I stand on my lone island, the defender of the language, kind of like Joan of Ark as she burned at the stake, while everyone else around me attempts to communicate via a series of grunts, emoji's, and bizarre shorthand.  I'll continue to use complete sentences, dammit, no matter what, even in texts.  Grrr!  Oh, wait, that's a grunt...please ignore.

And now, I think I'll go play some music...that was never made.

The Beat Goes On

I'll admit that I'm running out of titles for these posts.  Geez.  I also keep wanting to get back to more amusing entries but alas that's been a bit difficult over the past couple of months.

I guess first up I'll say that my eyesight has moderately improved over the past 2-3 weeks.  In fact, it improved enough that I was able to drive myself over to see Devo in Del Mar, which actually turned out to be the best show I saw all year long (albeit I didn't see that many).  At that time, I still drove with an eyepatch over my bad eye, especially at night with all the glare of the lights.  Once I got into the venue that evening, it was a bit disorienting trying to walk amongst other people without bumping into them or other objects, and I mainly kept to myself.  Alas, I got through it and ended up having a great time.  Oddly, I had never seen Devo before.

About two weeks later, I finally stopped using the eyepatch while working.  I found that the double vision had gone down a bit and therefore I could make it through the day without the added inconvenience of this material hanging over my eye.  I still don't see great at all, mind you, but it's nice to be able to have my eye "open" again and without a huge amount of double vision.

I found that I could start trusting driving a bit more as well as getting back on my bike, all of which I took slowly and with extra caution.  I just recently graduated to not using the eyepatch while driving period, and I also made my first long drive since probably 5 years ago, with driving out to Arizona to see friends and family.

I wish I could say that everything's been better but a very dear friend of mine experienced a terrible tragedy in his family of which I won't go into here, and then just days later my aunt passed away, hence the trip to AZ.  It was all very earth shattering and hard to get a grip on.  I was pleased that I could actually make the journey, though, and I dare say that I wouldn't have been able to do it only a week or two before.

This week, I finally had Moh's appointment #8, the last of the original group.  I was supposed to have this one done back in early October but I had to cancel due to the retina detachment.  2023 has been...well, quite a year, and certainly not a good one for me at all.  I had grand plans of getting tons of things done this year, least of all music projects and also starting on a major house renovation, and basically everything has been delayed repetitively due to all the dramas going on.  I know I've said it many times before but getting old(er) is hell, I tell ya.

At this point, if I'm still breathing past the first of the New Year, I'll consider it a "win" because, well, wow.  More so than ever, I wake up each day happy being able to see another day.  Now, if I could only get back to business, per se.

I'm now looking ahead to having my usual 2 weeks off over Xmas, something I greatly look forward to every year and that usually gets away from me.  Ah yes, but not this year...we're going to make the most of it, right?!  I said, right??!!  Yes, right!

Surgery and Recovery

I thought I'd be able to blog much earlier than this but I found typing face down, with my laptop at the bottom of the bed while I hang over the end, really quite difficult and tedious to do.  Therefore, I opted to simply wait until I was able to be upright again.

As a bit of a catch-up, the surgery went pretty well overall.  My blood pressure pre-surgery was extremely high due to nervousness, I think around 176.  I asked the assistants at what point they cancel a surgery due to blood pressure being too high; the answer was, "Whoa...you're not even in the ballpark.  We frequently see in the 200's, etc."  Well, good to know I have some wiggle room.

I was incredibly anxious as I was filling out paperwork, being called up to the desk a couple of times, and then eventually being called back for surgery prep.  I do what I can to keep myself in check but I simply can't alter everything, hence the high blood pressure reading.

After changing into my robe but oddly being told to keep my jeans on (?), the anesthesiologist came in to meet with me.  I explained my issues with anesthesia during my colonoscopy and asked if I could possibly be put out before being wheeled into the OR.  He looked at me very oddly and said, um, no, that's completely out of the ordinary.  I then asked to be sure that I was given enough anesthesia to make sure I was completely out during the procedure and he said, "Oh, you'll most likely be awake during it."  Of course, my blood pressure probably shot up another 20-30 points because this contradicted what everyone had told me previously.  He then went on to explain that I'll be completely out when they put the needle below my eye socket, which will basically completely numb that eye and black out my vision, and then I'll most likely awaken while they're doing the rest of the procedure.  He saw the look of horror on my face and immediately started talking me off of the ledge:  "Oh, you won't feel anything or see anything.  You'll be so groggy that it won't matter one way or another to you."  I still wasn't buying it and so he jotted a few notes down, grimaced slightly, and said, "Hey, I'll be there the whole time.  You'll be fine."  I honestly wasn't so assured.

Next came one of the things I always dread the most - the person putting the IV in your arm or hand.  I lucked out this time because the lady was super nice and kind, and also very compassionate about my nervousness.  I asked if the IV would be in my arm and she said, "No, I was going to put it in your hand."  Again, my blood pressure must have raised yet another 20-30 points since they were giving me all the wrong answers, in my opinion at least.  I explained to her how for the colonoscopy that it took 3 nurses to hold me down while they placed it in my hand, and I was basically screaming and couldn't hold my hand steady.  She thought about it a minute and then changed course.  "Let's put it in your wrist, then."  This was a new one for me but I wasn't sure what my recourse was at this point.

She then went on to tell me that she's very good at this, does it X times a day, and that I shouldn't really feel anything because she uses Lidocaine.  Now, this didn't mean much to me but I was sure that the previous time nothing was used to help the pain so who knows.  I felt the initial prick but it wasn't much worse than getting your blood drawn, and then she used the Lidocaine, and by the time she put the IV in she was absolutely correct for I didn't feel a thing.  Wow.  Mental note = Lidocaine.  And so, that trauma actually ended up being quite okay.

Next came the obligatory but worrisome "do you have a will?" and "do you have any visitors that you want to say goodbye to before the surgery?" sort of thing.  You know, the types of things that really give you comfort.  After that, I was placed in a wheelchair and given a nice little ride through the hallways and over to the OR.

This was my very first time ever being in an OR, apart from birth, that is, hence my nervousness.  Strangely, in hindsight now, it doesn't seem anywhere near as nerve wrecking as I had imagined.  I got up off the wheelchair, said hello to all the people involved, laid down, got "comfortable", and then it was like completely lights out, meaning there was no warning or anything...I was simply gone.  I then woke up and it was exactly as the anesthesiologist had explained, where my right eye had absolutely no vision and I felt not a thing except for a mild tugging here and there as the doctor worked on my eye.  I kept making a strange low moaning sound because that's all I could muster but overall the procedure was pretty non-concerning.  This went on for awhile, I heard them talking in the room and having a conversation as they worked, and then there was a moment where it was similar to the Three Stooges routine where the doctor said, "Gas on....gas off", or something like that, as they started filling my eye with the gas to replace the original fluid in it.  Shortly after, the doctor said, "That's it...you're done."  Gobs of tape and other things were put on my eye and I was wheeled out, completely doped to the nth degree.

I stayed in the recovery area for a bit where they started rattling off instructions that I knew I wouldn't retain whatsoever due to my dopiness.  I also started the face down positioning at this point.  Then, I was wheeled out by a large friendly guy who took me down to the waiting area on the side of the road where I could be picked up.

The whole ride home was a complete blur.  It's about a 45 minute ride but it felt like 5 minutes, that's how out of it I was.  Upon getting home, I started the endless problem of trying to get comfortable in a face down position of which I can now say is close to impossible.  In fact, I rented a special chair, bought a handful of special pillows from Amazon, etc., and none of these seemed to really work.  It took me about 2 days to finally realize that just using standard bedding pillows, more or less hanging off the side of the bed so that I can watch movies on my laptop, and so on, was better than any of the alternatives.  So, you read it here, folks...if you're going to have a vitrectomy and need to be in a face down position for a week, I personally wouldn't bother with any of the BS that's on the market.  Just grab some comfy pillows and whatever device you prefer and hang off the bed in order to fill your time.  Sleeping, however, is a whole different issue.  Due to my tremendous back problems, this was a real torture for me until I figured out that I needed to use muscle relaxers each night.  Even so, the positioning was awful and gave me loads of pain in my back that I can't even begin to describe.  I slept very little for days and kept constantly waking up every 20 minutes.

And so, in the end, I was correct in my thinking...the actual surgery wasn't that big of a deal but the recovery is killer.  My eye looked like I had been severely beaten up by a gang on a street corner, with both eyelids super swollen to where I couldn't even open my eye, and the actual eye itself so red and blood filled that you couldn't really see the iris or pupil of my eye.  The pain seemed to get worse as the week progressed, probably due to lack of sleep.  My eye socket continually throbbed for days.  At this point, I'm back upright thankfully but my eye is still pretty red on one side although the iris and pupil are now visible.  My actual eyesight, however, is another story.  The gas bubble is now only in the lower part of my vision but the upper area is not only blurred but also out of sync with my left/good eye which makes pretty much everything challenging.  This is what has me worried at this point.

On the plus side, I did watch tons and tons of horror movies all week long, some of which were super enjoyable and ones I had never seen before.  My personal fav's from the week were "Frankenhooker", a must see for anyone who likes weird horror comedy from the 80's, and "Mr. Vampire", one of the Hong Kong vampire movies that I didn't even know were a thing.  Other notables were "Bordello of Blood" and the "Terrifier" films which are beyond disgusting.  I also revisited the "Psycho" sequels, some "Texas Chainsaw Massacre" films, and the remaining films in the "Phantasm" series that I hadn't seen.  I dare say that I kind of enjoyed watching the films although seeing them downward is an odd experience indeed.  I certainly can attest to why the inventors of TV thought that it made more sense to watch it on the wall versus on the floor.  It's also astounding to note how, when recovering from eye surgery, how many horror movies have something in them having to do with poking or gouging eyes out.  It's not exactly comforting at that moment, as you can imagine.

That's pretty much catching everything up to now.  If anyone ever needs info about detached retinas or Mohs procedures, I'm unfortunately your guy since I'm slowly becoming an expert in both, albeit an unwilling one. 

Prep

My eye surgery is tomorrow and, as you can probably imagine, I'm rather jittery about it.  I haven't been sleeping well at all over the past almost week and often found myself having mild panic attacks, jarringly waking up from a sound sleep.  I would then in a sleepy manner try to talk myself off the proverbial ledge, as they say.  Anxiety is no fun, let me tell you.

The best way I found to talk myself down was this:  you basically HAD this surgery 2-3 years ago while you were awake.  This time, you'll be out...so what's the problem?  That little pep talk actually does work, believe it or not, and it's not entirely untrue.  They will basically be doing the same type of procedure except for the buckle which admittedly freaks me out a bit.  Luckily, I don't have to witness it but it does make me nervous to know what that's going to feel like afterward.  I can only imagine that my eye will feel like it's on fire, and quite frankly it felt pretty horrific for about 24 hours the last time as well.  My favorite in the prior procedure was that they punctured my eye, put in the gas bubble, etc., and then the nurse said, "Oh, I forgot to give you this eye drop...", and then puts that in my eye which basically felt like pouring gasoline on a wound and lighting it.  I screamed rather loudly and she said in an unknowing manner, "Oh?  Did that hurt?"  Yes, everyone's a comedian these days.

A ton of my anxiety actually comes from knowing where the procedure will take place.  We have a nice small facility right in our neighborhood which I've been in, seen, etc., and was hoping that's where it would take place.  Nope.  Instead, I need to travel all the way down almost to San Diego proper and be in some large medical building ala hospital.  So, yes, that's just added to my anxiety because the thought of all the hospital-like stuff just makes it that more "real", if you will.  It admittedly does seem a bit strange to think that I have less anxiety about getting something done in somebody's garage or shed...hmm.

Apparently, they use the same sort of anesthesia for this as they do for colonoscopy's.  That will be interesting because when I had that done, the anesthesia basically turned me into Rodney Dangerfield afterward, where I couldn't stop laughing and cracking jokes, god awful jokes at that.  I remember one of the nurses asking another, "...who's the laugher over there...?"  Keeping in mind that I had just been given a colonoscopy, in my Rodney-esque way, I literally yelled out, "Hey, that doctor over there raped me....and I didn't even know 'em!"  Of course, this was followed by uncontrollable laughter that probably made everyone in the facility completely uncomfortable on multiple levels.  So, yes, I can't wait to see if Rodney makes his reappearance tomorrow.  Get your tickets now!

It's also unclear if I need to spend 5-7 days face down or longer.  If it's longer, geesh...I'll certainly throw my back out again which will then take another week to heal, most likely.  Good times.  Let's just put it this way...when anyone asks why I didn't get any music released this year, well, just read these blogs and you'll know.  Wish me luck - I'll need it.

Torn and Detached...Again

Just a minor update...  I did not have emergency surgery on Friday, mainly because the retina specialist said that it's no longer an emergency:  the damage has already been done and the macula has already been affected.  Per his exact words, "time is on our side...".  I think what he really meant was that he would be able to enjoy his weekend uninterrupted with no loss of sleep.

My retina is in fact more than torn; it's actually detached...again...and this time I will be getting the full surgery plus a scleral buckle, most likely in the next 2-3 days.  The good news is that I should be able to write and do various tasks while recovering; the bad news is that they don't expect to recover that much vision in that eye.  As you can probably imagine, I've been trying to come to terms with that ever since, not to mention wrapping my head around the general anxiety of having surgery in general.

It's apparently not that common to have a detachment twice in the same eye.  Again, this is where my "luck" comes in...I mean, it's phenomenal how many types of bad luck I can have.  The thing that really concerns me is that it's still very likely that I might have a detachment in my "good" eye, and if that one goes too, well, I'm pretty much f***ed.  Again, trying to wrap my head around this which admittedly hasn't been easy.

For now, I need to get the surgery scheduled, get through that, and then start the road to recovery.  What's really disconcerting is that I'll have no vision in the eye undergoing surgery while the gas is in there, and it'll most likely take up to 6-8 weeks before I actually know what vision I do have in that eye.  In the meantime, I can function in whatever manner I can with only one functioning eye, that is after I lay face flat for at least 5 days straight.  Yep, sounds great, huh?  This was definitely the worst birthday I've ever had and, trust me, most have been no picnic.

That's the news.  Since I probably won't have much else to do, I may actually end up writing here often.  Funny - I branched off my blogs intentionally so that I could write more comedic elements in this column.  Go figure.  Maybe someday.

Gone Again

No sooner than I make my plan for the remainder of the year music-wise everything comes to a crashing halt yet again.  I swear, if I had GOOD luck like I have not so good luck I would have been a millionaire decades ago.

So, I'm most likely going to be offline for a bit.  Why?  Apparently, my retina tore yet again in my bad eye...you know, the eye that I've been complaining about my vision in for the past few months?  Well, yes, lucky me...it finally tore again and it seems that I'm going to be having emergency surgery tomorrow afternoon.

It all depends upon what they end up doing, of course, but I'm mentally preparing for not only a miserable experience but also a 1-4 week recovery, again depending upon the actual procedure.  This is...well...not great news.  It's also the lousiest birthday present ever, I would think.  It'll also most likely drain all of my PTO and therefore I'll end up with no time off over the holidays, which ultimately means no recording.  I just can't win in 2023.  I give.  You win.  This will be the first year in a very long time where I'll be very happy to see it come to a close...provided I'm still here, that is.  With how this year has been going, one never knows.

In any event, I'll write again once it's safe for me to do so.  Wish me luck; I'll need it.  Looking at the bright side, hopefully I'll be able to see again in a clearer fashion.

Casual Day and Return

My last full day in MN started once again with a Caribou run, this time for the high calorie "malted mocha".  This proved to be certainly not my cup of "tea" since the sweetness level was through the roof.  No wonder the calorie count is so high; it tasted like a pound of sugar was in it.  I'll definitely skip that one in the future.

My sleep has been okay but a little on the rough side, kind of to be expected in a hotel.  I still have a nasty sore on my head which tends to wake me up at night and my back isn't exactly doing the greatest either.  For whatever reason, my right "bad" eye has been having a very hard time focusing which is a bit of a drag.  I swear that I'm falling apart.  Nevertheless, I've been getting more sleep in the hotel than I'm used to getting at home, mainly since I don't have two furry critters jockeying for positions on me at 3am.

Sunday was time to visit with family, a rather long overdue visit.  We had a nice lunch at French Meadow and then later on had Carbone's pizza, another old favorite of mine from when I lived here.  The pizza was fantastic, in fact I'd dare say that it was better than what I occasionally get at Rosati's in Encinitas which is a direct from Chicago brand whereas Carbone's is the MN version.  It's pretty rare that I prefer something MN over Chicago itself.

After the visit, I ventured back to the hotel and watched the end of "Bohemian Rhapsody" and "Massacre at Central High".  The latter film was an odd one for sure, something that I found on the Criterion Channel.  I thought it was going to be a teen slasher film...hah!  Yeah, a bit far from it but certainly an interesting film.

The next morning, it was time to start packing up and thinking about heading home.  One more Caribou run!  Geesh...  It's just like old times since I used to basically live at Caribou.  I would normally venture out to other coffee places, just to try them and such, but there's really nothing else over in the area of the hotel so I figured I'd just enjoy Caribou while it was within reach.  Next, it was off to Zantigo, a fast food Mexican place and the only of its sort in MN that I ever found that was worthwhile.  I guess you could call it the MN Del Taco.

After doing a bit of clean up and packing my things, I headed out to my old cat clinic, to see if the doctor was working today and say hello to any staff members that I might know.  I spent an incredible amount of time at this cat clinic over the years since I had three adult cats that were constantly having various issues and such.

Lastly, I drove around my old neighborhood, just to see how things look, etc.  It's always a strange feeling seeing your old house and area, etc., and it tends to fill you with a weird mix of feelings.  For me, the house I owned in MN will always remind me of my cat trio, all of which have sadly passed now, and it's probably the most pleasant memories I have of living in MN since the cats were really the light of my life.  I honestly can't imagine my life over that 25 year span without them.

I was a bit shocked to see that my old house was completely changed on the outside.  The new owners redid all the siding, windows, tore down one of the annoying trees in the front yard, installed new snazzy garage doors, etc.  I almost drove right past the house...that's how different it looked.  All in all, I think they did a fabulous job and I couldn't help but ask myself why it never occurred to me to make any such changes.  In looking back on it, I made an incredibly low number of changes in that house for living there for over a decade.  In comparison to the house I live in now, it's kind of shocking since almost everything in this house is or will be changed.

I dropped the rental car off at the airport and grabbed yet another coffee in the terminal.  This may be the worst Starbucks location ever, AND it had an increase of over $2 attached to it.  I guess it was some sort of "convenience" fee.  Um, yeah.

The flight home was status quo with nothing major to report.  I watched "Goldfinger" and found it to be pretty amusing and enjoyable.  I'll admit I did fall asleep briefly at one point but I wouldn't mind watching the film again, in fact I might just watch all the old ones in succession.

All in all, it was a great trip, especially after not going anywhere for years.  It was also nice to finally make peace with MN.  As for Zorn, fingers crossed that I get another opportunity to see him either for his 80th birthday or maybe in the LA area.

Mr. Zorn, Take 3

I finally got some sleep.  Wow, I really needed that.  I haven't slept for 10 hours in quite awhile so I know I'm really exhausted.

Today has been the first time that I can slow down a bit since I don't have any morning appointments to rush out to, no one to meet, etc.  It's a bit of a refresher.  I once again ventured to Caribou Coffee, for a latte this time vs. a mocha, and then grabbed a sandwich at Potbelly, another old favorite that didn't survive in CA so it's a bit of a treat.  Businesses struggle to get setup in SoCal for whatever reason.  Potbelly had one location that folded pretty quickly and Jimmy John's is still struggling to get going over there as well.  Which Wich, an easy win in most parts of the country, closed most of their locations.  It's kind of odd.  CA folk tend to go to the same places that they're used to, even if they're not the greatest...it's strange.

Back to Caribou, I was mildly shocked yesterday to see the calorie count on their mochas.  My god...  No wonder they taste good!  Back home, I skip certain drinks at places like Black Rock Coffee Bar because the calorie count is upwards of around 500 or so for a large; Caribou's mediums on their flavored specialty drinks were pushing in the 700-800 range!  I mean, that's outrageous, in my opinion!

Next, I was on the hunt for a cheap DVD I could watch on the plane ride home since I only brought one with me.  Since no one wants DVD's anymore, it's usually a fairly easy thing to find, although it's not always easy for me to find a movie I haven't seen before.  It's part of the downside of being a cinephile.  A trip to Barnes & Noble solved the problem where my best option ended up being "Goldfinger".  I've been meaning to watch the old Bond films anyhow so why not?  I also picked up another three CD's while I was there, something I really don't need but still insist on doing.

Next, it was off to the Walker for the festivities.  Upon arrival, I was disappointed to see that the free gallery "shows" actually started at noon whereas I would swear that the emails said 3pm, hence my arriving at that time.  It's not every day that I could have seen Julian Lage, guitarist extraordinaire, playing in a corner of a gallery and I ended up missing it.  To add salt to the wound, Lage passed me casually in the hallway where I momentarily thought about asking him why the time change and then thought better of it.

My old bandmate then showed up while Zorn was playing the bizarre piece "Hockey" and so I was treated to both the wackiness of Zorn while catching up with an old friend.  "Hockey" is a bizarre, rather silly piece played with what I believe are duck whistles, cello, and some eastern styled percussion and there is simply no way to describe it apart from saying it's like hearing a herd of ducks on acid (the ducks, not us).  Next, there was one other piece done in the gallery done with classical instruments, and while pretty interesting (it reminded me of the "Psycho" theme, again on acid), it was hard to pay attention while standing in a crowd.

The Zorn composition "Prolegomena to any Future Metaphysics that will be able to Present Itself as a Science" in the Walker Art Gallery

After dinner and saying goodbye to my old friend, I quickly rushed up to the McGuire Theater for the first of the 3 Zorn performances, "Nove Cantici Per Francesco D'Assisi".  This contained both Julian Lage and Bill Frisell, the latter most certainly being one of my favorite artists of all time and someone I've probably seen over 30 times by now.  Strangely, I've never once seen him play an acoustic guitar so that was different, and this was basically an all acoustic guitar trio (sorry, I don't know the name of the third gentleman playing the nylon string).  Quite frankly, unlike most Zorn based compositions, it was quite accessible and very beautiful, and most likely an album I'll seek out.  My only complaint was that the set lasted 45 minutes and I could have easily been down with double that.

This in turn meant that I had an hour and fifteen minutes to kill.  Bummer.  So, I used it wisely and walked across the street and took some photos, some of which will probably be used for album artwork at some point.  The famous Minneapolis "cherry on a spoon" is more or less the city symbol and I took quite a few pic's even though I've obviously seen it dozens of times before.

At 8pm, I ventured again up to the McGuire for the Chaos Magick performance.  This was a bit more typical Zorn based but was still kind of accessible, much to my surprise.  It was awesome, though, and definitely my favorite of the three shows.  Again, it was only 45-ish minutes long and I really wanted to hear more.  What's up with these short sets this year?!

Zorn directing Chaos Magick

And so, yet another hour and fifteen minutes to kill doing pretty much nothing.  I did talk a bit with a guy in the audience who seemed pretty well versed in Zorn, and then I also kept an eye on what I believe to be Marc Maron, although I can't imagine why in the hell he would be at this performance unless he was interviewing Zorn or Lage for the WTF podcast.  I kept staring at him, and he was wearing unusual round glasses for him, but he was also wearing curiously pointed shoes and was slightly hunched over, and the more I looked at him the more I was convinced it really was him.  He also seemed like an anxiety prone guy of which Maron is indeed and I think my staring at him was making him rather nervous.  I'll have to listen to WTF over the next month or so and see if says anything about being at the show.

Last up was the New Masada Quartet, this time with Zorn actually performing (he did not perform with the previous two sets).  This was pretty awesome as well but again it didn't seem as outlandish as he's been in the past.  Is it just that I'm actually acclimating to it?  That's both exciting and scary.  After another 45 minute set which seemed way too short, I left the theater and headed back to the hotel.  Zorn was scheduled to play the organ at the local basilica but I actually saw him do that a decade ago and it wasn't really my thing, hence I skipped out on it.

The New Masada Quartet

All in all, it was a great day and night, and the performances were top notch...just all too short.  It was certainly worth coming to, however, but I'm now hungry for more.  It looks like there could be a small chance that Zorn might play at LA's the Skirball Center so I'll be keeping a close eye on that.  If he's there or anywhere in the near vicinity (hell, even Phoenix, which seems unlikely), I'm there.

Not So Bad

I headed out yesterday for Minneapolis, the first time I'm returning to the area since I left back in December of 2016.  Leaving MN was one of my biggest accomplishments ever in my life.  I know that sounds strange but I more or less got "stranded" in MN due to the housing market collapsing in , and with the added (not) bonus of not liking the house I owned and then having it lose 100k to where there was no possible way for me at the time to sell it, made life in MN nearly intolerable.  It also created this tremendous animosity inside of me as well as a feeling like the city/state was holding me hostage, and whereas I would have left of my free will after about 3-4 years, I ended up having to stay an awful 12 years.

MN itself really isn't a bad place at all, mind you, but I really didn't fit in there much.  I also grew incredibly tired of people constantly telling me that I didn't fit in one way or another, and again my animosity only grew and grew over the years.  There was a time when I actually thought I'd never be able to leave.  When things like this occur, at least for me, it builds up a really bizarre false set of feelings internally that end up being rather challenging to overcome.

Needless to say, when  I drove out of MN in my Mini Cooper S in late December of 2016 and physically crossed the state line for the last time as a resident, I literally cheered, screamed, etc. at the top of my lungs.  I could hardly believe it.  I also vowed I might never return.  I always said that the only reason I would consider returning is if John Zorn played another birthday fest at the Walker, of which he had for both his 50th and 60th birthdays, and both shows were incredibly memorable.

And so, when the 70th birthday Zorn fest was announced two months ago, I mulled it over and promptly gave in.  I will honestly admit that I've had nothing but anxiety about this trip coming into it.  In fact, yesterday, prepping to get to the airport, even sitting on the plane, etc., I literally felt defeated and depressed knowing I was flying to MN.  It's kind of hard to explain, really, but I was also so incredibly tired and was falling in and out sleep on the plane, having visions that MN was this large Godzilla/Mothra styled monster grabbing people (myself included) with it's tongue, dragging them back into the void.  Yes, that's how weird this whole thing has gotten for me.

After lying in this depression for awhile, and trying to keep calm on the plane, of which I don't enjoy plane rides much, not because of being off the ground but more or less being cramped in a tight space, I did my best to come to terms with everything and did a lot of thinking in general.  I thought about my whole life, decisions I've made, wrong turns, terrible wrongs that I wish I could right but can't, and so on.  I finally just told myself that you might, just might, feel better once you're on the ground and have some time to acclimate.

The plane ride was fairly uneventful.  Thankfully, I brought along "Bohemian Rhapsody" to watch on my laptop, a movie I had deliberately been putting off since its release and found it to actually be fairly enjoyable.  It definitely helped to pass the time.  One alarming thing that happened was when the flight crew announced, "Ladies and gentlemen...if there are any medical personnel on the plane, please come to the front".  Yeah, that's never what you want to hear on a plane, right?  I immediately thought that maybe the pilot had ordered the fish and was deathly ill, a callback to the old "Airplane" movie.  Hell knows that I wouldn't be the one flying the plane for them, even with the automatic pilot.

We landed on time but it was 11:45pm MN time.  The real kicker is that Terminal 1 in San Diego is beyond awful and ended up having no food that I could eat, and here I thought I was being smart by saving time and planning to grab dinner at the airport.  Instead, I only got to eat 2 Kind bars before taking off and was now physically starving beyond belief.  The real downside is that the Twin Cities more or less closes down food wise by 10pm so I had to do a bit of digging.

I mildly lucked out because White Castle was open, in fact it was the one I used to go to by my old workplace.  Unfortunately, the road was closed so I immediately got lost, and I was also slightly shocked by how I couldn't completely remember how to get around nor did I remember the street names.  I should also mention that at midnight in the outskirts of the Twin Cities, there's literally no lighting anywhere and no cars on the road.  I was frankly shocked to see that White Castle actually WAS open at that hour given the circumstances.

The Impossible Sliders, which I've been eager to try for awhile, honestly weren't as good as the old veggie sliders.  Bummer.  Eating at midnight, or 10pm my time, also didn't sit well in my stomach or intestines, as you might imagine, and I didn't end up getting to sleep until about 2:30am.

This morning, I woke up in a mild hurry, went and grabbed my old MN favorite Caribou coffee, and then met up with my old work mates at the Original Pancake House.  It was really fun seeing them and chatting, and it was almost like I had never left even though it's been 7 years.  I was also pleased to see that my weird feelings about the area seem to quickly be disappearing, and instead I'm focused on just enjoying myself.  It's also the first time in a few weeks that life has finally slowed down a bit since I've been going at full speed for as long as I can remember, and I don't handle stress or a frantic pace very well.

Next, off to Paisley Park for a 2 hour VIP tour.  It should be interesting.  Overall, I think it's going to end up being an enjoyable weekend after all and maybe it'll finally put all these weird feelings to rest.  If so, that's a major win in my book.

Mohs #6

This week brought about Mohs appointment #6, of what we originally thought was 6 out of 8.  The appointment went very well and it ended up being my first one pass appointment, and I'd dare say that it was the most uneventful and comfortable pain-wise appointment to date.

Of course, there had to be some bad news thrown in there as well.  In working on spot #6, my doctor said, "Oh...um, you appear to have two new spots right next to this one."   Ugh.  I can't say that I'm completely shocked by this but I think I already have two new spots growing in the front of my head so that would actually mean I potentially have four new spots.  Double ugh.  Even worse, my doctor said in a worrying voice, "...I wonder why you're growing these new ones..."  Yeah, that's really not what I wanted to hear.

I then made the mistake of looking up Mohs procedures online once I got home.  There's such a thing as "failed Mohs procedures" which this particular doctor who wrote the article talked about how it's then necessary to use more aggressive forms of control if Mohs is "failing".  Great.  Now, I don't know if this is true or not but it certainly got my paranoia in a tizzy and I haven't stopped thinking about it since.

Also, during the appointment this week, I asked what my ear would end up looking like once it's fully grown back.  My doctor promptly said, "Oh, that's it.  It's fully grown back."  Um, what?!  Yes, apparently I'm going to be left with not much for the top area of my right ear.  Awesome.  She then went on to say that she could cut it open again, take some cartilage out of my other ear, place it in this ear, and so on, and then maybe I'd have a bit more curve at the top.  My head immediately thought, hell, if I do all that, I'll probably get another skin cancer spot on said ear and have to do the whole thing all over again.  And so, I guess for now I'm going to live with no definite top to my ear.

A bit to my surprise, my doctor said, "Well, you have a bit of a curve to the top of your ear.  I actually expected less."  Well, I just wish I had been a bit more informed of that, really.  I like my doctor and all but she's not always the greatest at explaining what I should be expecting as a result of these procedures.

In the meantime, I'm once again suffering from what I call "tight head", where the skin on your head is a bit tighter than normal due to the stitches and you're not really able to do your full range of motion.  It's an odd feeling, to say the least.

Other than that, I'm still trying to get myself motivated all over again in life in general.  I actually played a bit of guitar today, and I'm supposed to be recording in just a week from now, but trying to muster any real motivation is going to be a real trick.  I guess I'll just do the best I can.

Also, the hurricane last week pretty much ended up being nothing more than a steady drizzle.  I'm not really complaining but now I have 12 sand bags to dispose of.  Anybody need sand?!  Drop me a line if you do.

The Storm called "Life"

I can almost hear it from here:  "...no sooner does he branch out his blogs, but he can't be bothered to write in any of them.  I knew this blog branching was a mistake!!"

It's funny how things happen in this manner.  I had zero intention of not making any blog entries for nearly a month but, well, sometimes life just happens, and it really has been happening.  In fact, it just seems to keep coming, from every corner imaginable.

For example, as I type this, I'm sitting here waiting for Hurricane Hillary to hit at any moment.  I pretty much blew the entire weekend trying to find sand bags, putting them around one side of the house that tends to have the water come up too high and close, and then moved everything that could be a projectile into the garage.  In doing this, it meant I had to leave my car outside to weather the storm.  Now, this might seem a bit odd but there's so little storage space here, and based on what the news was saying, I felt the odds of the various odds and ends of items in the backyard flying around was much greater than, well, my car.  Of course, a tree could fall on the car...but there really isn't a tree in the front yard.  If there's any chance for a tree down the street to somehow come flying or walking down the road and landing square on my car, though, I'm fairly certain it'll find a way because that's just my luck in life.

So far, the weather has been positively nothing over here except for a mild lagging drizzle.  Now, I'm not complaining but it has been a bit unexpected.  Weather in this area, though, can be very strange where 2 streets over can have a massive downpour but your particular house gets nothing.  It's just hard to tell.  If the news is correct, LA was getting some nasty flooding.  But then, about an hour ago my phone lit up with an alert about an earthquake north of LA, and to be prepared for after shocks.  I mean, seriously?  A hurricane AND earthquake?!  Where's the tsunami when you need it??  And, with the Weather Channel on right now, it says there's also a big tornado warning.  Geeez.

Anyhow, back to the long bit of nothingness...  The silence is mainly due to the fact that I've got little to report except for various tidbits of bad news.  In fact, I've barely done anything at all music related since the end of May and I just can't seem to find the motivation for much of anything at the moment.  My head and ear did finally heal enough so that I could once again wear headphones but by that point I seemed to have little interest in putting them on.  I'm currently seeking a way to get out of this slump, or funk, but I'm actually going back in for Moh's surgery #6 this Wednesday so now doesn't seem like the proper time to get remotivated.

One thing that did occur over the past 2 months was seeing Oumou Sangare down in La Jolla.  That was a real joy and treat, and I just haven't gotten around yet to writing about it.  That happened in June, I think, so, um, yeah, I'm a bit behind.  By the time I write about it, I probably won't remember what happened.

And yet, still, I'm hanging in there, trying to be positive, doing various business related tasks around the house, etc., and I guess I can't really complain too terribly.  There is the issue of the cats, though, who were acquired earlier this year.  They both have unexpected gingivitis with one of them progressing into something much worse and more serious, and apparently dental surgery is needed and will most likely be around 10k (and no, not the race 10k either).  Oh joy.  And, I was worried about coming up with the 10k to record the EP with Marty.  Looks like that's definitely getting pushed to next year...

Yes, this is all the big storm that we simply call "life".  We all deal with it, we all have to go through it, and somehow find a way to pull through and carry onward.  I'll hopefully do the same.  In the meantime, I'm working on my motivation, and if nothing else just finishing this blog entry is a bit of a start.  See?  There's the positive.

What Scares You?

I have a pretty decent local Starbucks practically right across the street from my subdivision, close enough that if I did choose to walk there, I'd probably make it within 15 minutes.  I actually like my local Starbucks and crew, although probably like everywhere the crew does seem to change more often than I'd like.  For the most part, though, when I do go in there, I recognize at least 70% of the people working there; unfortunately, they don't seem to ever recognize me but I try not to hold that against them.

Now, I'm a self admitted coffee snob;  well, some might say "you could just stop at 'snob'".  Okay, yes, I completely admit it - I'm a very critical, particular kind of guy and I always have been.  I enjoy critiquing things, picking them apart, seeing what they're made of, and especially understanding how they work and what makes them special.  What do you think I spend so much time writing after all?  Exactly.

So, then, why the heck am I at a Starbucks?  Well, being snobby and all doesn't mean that I won't go somewhere that's not the absolute best.  Actually, I like Starbucks but it depends upon what I'm ordering.  Regular coffee?  Almost never; too much heartburn.  Lattes?  Pretty good, but they also give me, um, bad reactions.  I'm mainly a Flat White kind of guy in Starbucks land and the main reason I go there is that it's absolutely the closest coffee to my house, and I don't always have time to venture further.  All things considered, though, I have respect for Starbucks, and I actually give them credit for raising the bar on what coffee was and could be.  Thinking back to life pre Starbucks, we were buying coffee at McDonalds or maybe the gas station, and my stomach and intestines ache just thinking about it (shudder).

Back to today at Starbucks (sorry, that was a minor tangent...well, I'm picky about tangents as well)...  After ordering my drink, I patiently waited like any good patron.  It was then that I noticed a small white erase board with the following thing written on it:  "Do what scares you and you'll be... HAPPY"

Now, upon reading this, I literally chuckled out loud.  I mean, I got what they were trying to say but I was incredibly tempted to just walk up to the board, casually and nonchalantly erase the word "happy", and then replace it with "FRIGHTENED".  That seemed to make more sense to me.

Yeah, sure, there's the old adage of hitting things that scare you head on so that you can conquer them, move on from them, and so on.  You know, the old "jump in the dive end" idea.  But, "do what scares you and you'll be happy?"  Um...yeah, that's a bit of a head scratcher.  That's like telling a person deathly afraid of heights to climb the Empire State Building and that they'll definitely start laughing from joy.  Something tells me that's just not going to be the case.

Still, I've got to give the crew some credit; they are thinking, at least, and trying to spread a positive message of sorts.  Now, maybe they're thinking and/or English grammar skills are a bit lacking but...  Maybe tomorrow they should write:  "Write and say what you mean and then other people will UNDERSTAND"??  Hmm.  Possibly, but then again, that definitely seems to be a lost art.

Mohs is Better than Moe's

Hah!  Do you remember that old slogan?  It's actually "Bonz are better than bones", some dog treat made originally in the 80's.  The advertising campaign was so prominent that I've never forgotten it and yet I haven't had a dog since childhood.

Ah, Mohs...  Yes, procedure #5 occurred this past Wednesday and I'm still recovering.  This was another removal from the front of my head/scalp, not far from the one I had done a few weeks ago.  I've really gotten into the swing of Mohs, which is of course a bit sad and pathetic to say.  I guess as long as you're not removing a significant part of my body and hoping it grows back, it's not the worst thing in the world.

Now, the bad part about scalp Moh's removals is just how tight your skin is afterward.  It's kind of like you get Mohs AND a face lift at the same exact time.  Then, after the procedure, you find you can't do simple things like smile, look surprised, and so on, at least not without feeling a pretty bad jolt of pain and mild ripping feeling.

This time around the numbing needles weren't too bad but there was one place that just wouldn't really fully numb.  When they did the cauterizing, I definitely felt my skin/head on fire.  Wow.  Also, the closing was fairly rough since apparently I was bleeding much more than the doctor was used to.  She even asked, "Are you taking Ibuprofen?"  Nope.  "Are you really nervous?"  Strangely, nope, although I'm not sure why that would make me bleed more.  I couldn't really account for the excessive bleeding at all but I was unusually calm.  Once the closing started, though, I could feel the needle in that magic area that wouldn't numb and somehow managed not to freak out.

I removed the big bulky pressure bandage today and cleaned the area.  I was expecting heavy blood residue but it wasn't too bad.  Again, this seems to be becoming old hat for me at this point and I fully know the drill:  remove the bandage, clean the area, Q-tip on some ointment, rebandage, and so on.  I could probably start doing Moh's procedures as a side hustle (now, that's a scary thought).  Now, if only I could wiggle my eyebrows again (sigh).

Branch Me!

Decisions have been made!  May the people rejoice!  Your prayers have been answered!!!  Um, yeah, well, sort of but not really...

This blog is BRANCHING!  In fact, it's reverting back immediately to what it more or less used to be...a funny story and opinion blog, and nothing more.  For anyone wanting to follow my recording diary, there is now a new active blog called "Supernova Hodgepodge" that you can find at:  https://supernovahodgepodge.blogspot.com/   Please mark it and become a follower!  Already active is the very long winded story of "Theories for the Opsimath", something I've been meaning to write for ages.  Please note that the official look and layout of "Supernova Hodgepodge" is probably not yet done so expect some changes to follow.

Also, recording based posts on this blog will more than likely move to "Supernova Hodgepodge" so don't be shocked if posts suddenly disappear.  No, you're not losing your mind.

Lastly, I fully expect 2 more new blogs to appear in the near future, one about albums that have shaped my life and inspired me (ie, the old Tower Records DID list), and quite possibly a monthly story blog.  I'll certainly let you know when either of those appears and where you can find them.

Thank you for your continued support and hopefully this new branching out will allow people to follow the aspects of my writing that interests them most!

Blood, Mother, Blood!!!

I can't even begin to tell you how sick I am of bleeding on a daily basis.  My god.  The "donor" area for the graft is just so beyond annoying that it's maddening.  I mean, it's been over 2 weeks and yet it looks like it was taken yesterday, and the constant drip, drip, drip...ugh.  I've seen more of my blood in the past month than I have my entire life.  It's amazing I have any left at this point!

I think I also made a decision that I'm just going to stick with Blogger for now and in fact, if I do start additional blogs, I'll just do them here.  I just don't see any reason to switch, really.  I know...if you want people to actually find your blog and read it, etc., you need to go where the crowds are.  Well, I've never been much into that thinking so I doubt at my age that I'm going to change much in that arena.  We'll see if I get my albums list going fairly soon.

Wishing everyone a happy 4th!  Now, please let my ear grow back faster and stop the damn bleeding (geesh)...

Another Hole in the Head

My appointment this week actually went fairly well, although I wouldn't say that it was at all without pain.  I went into this one completely paranoid beyond belief that the graft was falling off my ear, and quite frankly this was making me incredibly anxious, upset, and downright angry.  Looking back on this, I had a complete right to feel these things based on the information that I was given.  I had asked if it was normal that an outer layer of skin on the graft would fall off, exposing a fairly red and irritated looking skin underneath, and told 'no', that it wasn't normal whatsoever.  You can probably see how this whole tornado began inside my mind.  I also looked at pictures online of other people's reported ear graft situations and none of them look even remotely like mine.

In any event, upon arriving at my appointment, in a much worse mood than normal, they looked at my ear and the doctor promptly said, "No, that looks fine.  It's just healing".  I was a bit dumbfounded at first but after more conversation, etc., I realized that if nothing else my worries had been in vain, and actually I was okay with that if I didn't have to go through another graft and so on.  This is partially what you get from looking at the internet (never trust the internet...I swear).

Of course, before I could even really digest this news, I was being jabbed with needles in the back of my head and, before I knew it, yet another chunk of scalp was removed.  This time around, I finally got a 3 passer (hooray for me!  Well, not really), meaning it took 3 passes to get all of the cancer out.  I really don't mind the passes that much except for the extended time it takes since by then you're already numb and the actual passes themselves are fairly quick.  I will say, though, that something about this place on my head made me feel more pain than I normally do, and it seemed like the doctor was having a hard time getting me fully numbed.  Another thing I noted was a very disturbing squishy noise which I can only imagine was my skin being...well...I don't know...something'd.  I was too afraid to ask and frankly didn't really want to know.

I never look forward to the closing of the surgery spot and I thought this one in particular would be really horrific.  Surprisingly, it seemed to go faster than the others.  I guess you just never really know what to expect in these procedures OR dare I say I'm getting used it, which is a bit frightening, if so.  Next thing I knew, I was out the door and driving home yet again after 5pm, whereas I arrived at 1pm.

I was told once that I'd get a pretty bad headache from this procedure.  What I actually got instead, though, was more like the feeling of being hit over the head very hard with a hammer.  I'm not sure how some patients call this a "headache" because to me a headache is a very specific thing, and having been hit in the head with a baseball and other various objects over the years I've never equated that unique feeling with having a headache.  Needless to say, my head started pounding unbelievably in the middle of the night, waking me up, and leaving me to where there was no possible position on the pillow where I wasn't feeling some sort of pain from one of my many wounds.

Two days later, the "hammer" feeling is still there but has at least gone down to something more manageable.  Today, I got my stitches out on the front of my head, basically the area I had done the previous week, and so I'm slowly starting to look a bit more presentable.  I'm actually starting to feel a little less paranoid about my ear but it still looks pretty horrendous, and I wouldn't wish the visual of it upon anyone.  The few times I have been out of the house in public, I do what I can to kind of keep it hidden although that's fairly impossible.

I also got a special "bonus" at my appointment this week.  One of my cats had given me a very loving head butt the day before directly to my nose...you know, the area that's still healing...and I promptly let out a yelp because I was shocked at how much it hurt.  Then, I noticed blood dripping downward and so I brought it up to the doctor towards the end of the appointment.  She unfortunately dived right in, well, literally, and started poking at the wound over and over from which I was literally screaming and had tears running down the side of my eyes just slightly.  It was incredible how much this hurt.  They always say that love hurts and I had to have a talk with my cat once I got home.

We're of course going into a holiday weekend in which I thankfully have 4 days off.  I was slightly afraid that it would be fruitless due to this latest set of wounds but I actually think I might be okay.  Here's to hoping, and with some luck I'll get back to music.  In the meantime, everyone please keep their digits intact, and for crying out loud don't shoot a gun at the sky for the bullet always lands somewhere.  Happy 4th!

Oh, It's You Again

Oh!  Hey!  It's me again, the guy with one ear.  Remember?

Okay, I'll admit that's a bit of an exaggeration, but I will honestly say that this ear thing is real cr*p, at least in my opinion.  It'll now be 2 weeks tomorrow since my surgery and today I found a rather strange occurrence, where it looked like part of the thin outer skin layer of the graft came off on a Q-Tip when I was cleaning it.  Of course, I panicked as all get out and went into a mild tizzy.  It's nearly impossible to really see one of your own ears and so I took picture after picture on my phone, trying to get a glimpse.  Needless to say, taking a picture of your own ear isn't much better than trying to see your own ear, and so this took probably 30 minutes to an hour to actually accomplish.

I then called the doctor's office; they were out to lunch still.  This gave me a whole 'nother half hour to panic blindly, taking pictures, looking at it obsessively in the mirror, etc.  When I finally got through to the doctor's office, her assistant had a mild tone of "...oh...this guy again..."  I emailed the photos and she promptly called me back saying that it was probably just a small chunk of skin that came off, to keep it lubricated, and they'd look at it closer tomorrow.

Yes, tomorrow...in which I get yet another hole in my head, this time on the back of my head.  I'm convinced that fairly soon I won't be able to sleep at all since every corner of my head and face will have something that can't touch a pillow.  I guess I need to find a way to sleep on air.  Yes, yes, that's the solution...

So, that's the latest update on my Moh's action.  I actually DID do some mixing this weekend but haven't yet had time to listen to the fruits of my labor.  Oddly, I really feel like my mixing abilities are getting better, although you'd never know it by my release schedule.  Geesh.  Anyhow, I'll be listening to these mixes tonight and then making my usual notes.

In the meantime, the LCD thermostat which runs the house's a/c unit blanked out over the weekend.  So, just get another thermostat, right?  Um...believe it or not, those actually cost as much as buying a new large sized TV...which I also had to buy a few months back after the TV burned out.  Coupled with all of the medical bills now coming in, it's so far been a year of nothing but unexpected nasty bills.

On the plus side, my Savage Schatten amp head finally arrived back to me today, fresh from being worked on by Jeff at Savage Amps in MN.  Here's to hoping that it sounds like I'm expecting, for if not, I might just pull a Van Gogh...and I honestly can't afford to lose another ear.

Pardon Me...But Do You Have a Hole in your Head?!

Today was Moh's procedure #3.  After hearing the doctor talk a bit about which spot we were going to tackle, it quickly dawned on me that I may not even be halfway through yet.  I only have three more appointments scheduled but I'm getting the feeling that I might need 5-6 more and perhaps we just haven't gotten around to scheduling them all yet.

We opted to do one of two spots that are on the front of my head, the ones that are clearly visible to the outside world.  She decided to do the less noticeable of the two simply because it was an older spot versus the newer, more visible one.  A little shocking to me was that the injections hurt way more up there than they did on either the nose or the ear.  I'm still a little confused as to why.

The actual procedure was fairly quick, easy, and uneventful.  Once again, it took 2 passes to get all the cancer out (I'm on a roll with this 2 pass thing), and as always it's the closing of the wound that's the most time consuming and unusual feeling.

Today, though, I had the added bonus of having my ear evaluated, basically what they had worked on last week.  The question had been worrying me all week in regards to whether the graft was taking or not.  I had read some horror stories online and I think I was more or less freaking myself out.  The doctor said today that a graft failing on your ear is fairly rare but then again I tend to have negative "luck" on my side usually.

It turned out that the graft looked good overall.  My doctor likes to say "looks amazing!" when something looks, well, like work that she can be very proud of.  In regards to my ear, though, she said, "It looks really good."  I promptly asked, "So...not amazing?"  She thought about it, hesitated, and then said, "No, it's amazing.  Yes, yes, amazing".  I guess we'll see.

In any event, she removed the bolster or "pumpkin" as she calls it which is basically the small sponge looking thing that was sewn to my ear and basically held the graft in place.  Getting these stitches removed was not the greatest, in fact I'd say this was the worst part so far.  I don't know, maybe I'm just a baby about my ear in general but I was both humming, silently cursing, and most definitely squirming.  When she was done, she said, "Okay, I've removed the graft..."  I think I gulped out loud upon hearing this.  "No, no, sorry, I meant the bolster!  Hah, hah."  Yep, very funny indeed.

Well, 3 down and who knows how many more to go.  It's starting to feel a bit old hat, though, which is kind of scary.  They also said that maybe I can get back to both riding my bike and wearing headphones fairly soon.  Ah, wouldn't that be nice.  Meanwhile, please don't mind the hole in my head.

Does Anyone...???

It occurred to me that I don't know if anyone really uses Blogger.com anymore.  I sort of quickly did a search on a handful of listed blogs and found that literally none of them were still active.  Is it possible that I'm the only one still using this platform?!  Geesh.  I guess it isn't likely, really, but then again I can't find immediate evidence to the contrary.

I find the thinking of using the "latest thing" simply bizarre, to be blunt.  For example, I just did some searching about blog sites, etc., and found that pretty much all of them require you to pay some sort of monthly fees.  Blogger.com is completely free...so why would anyone switch to a paying model?  I guess the thought of being "hip" or "now" is just so overwhelming for most people, however it's a feeling that I rarely get or worry about.

Of course, having said that, no one really reads a word of what I write.  Hmm.  I guess I have a point there and maybe being "hip" isn't such a bad thing.

So, here's a question...where should I be writing blogs and such?  For example, I would like to start a short story blog, basically where I could post once a month a brand new short piece of fiction, not necessarily in any specific genre but more than likely leaning a bit comedic or light hearted.  I'd also like to create the aforementioned "...albums that have shaped me..." blog since I feel like there are quite a few hidden gems that some would find either beneficial or as valuable additions to their own collections.  So, where would potential readers like to see this?  If you happen to know, please contact me for I'm a bit lost.

I have no other news to report.  I'm still in healing mode with my ear, of course, and there's just something about these things that make me want to do absolutely nothing while it's happening.  It's sad, really.  I meant to mix this weekend but I just couldn't get the motivation for it.  I'm so paranoid at this point that the skin graft isn't taking that I'm kind of paralyzed with anxiety from doing anything else.  I guess we'll see how this Wednesday goes, where I'll promptly get a brand new hole in my head.  Can't wait.

Ears, Schmears...

So who needs an ear, right?  Well, someone who, um, plays by ear really needs an ear.  I guess that probably goes without saying but I figured I'd say it anyway, just in case there was any confusion.

Well, my second Moh's procedure on my ear went fairly well.  Luckily, the cancer hadn't dug too terribly deep into my ear so the doctor only had to remove a small amount of cartilage so it hopefully won't be too terribly noticeable.  I initially was pretty freaked out, though, when she showed me how much skin she was going to remove.  She basically circled the entire top portion of my ear...I mean...wow.

It turns out that getting jabbed in the ear isn't as bad as getting jabbed in the nose.  It's odd because when your nose goes numb, you really notice it because even part of the front of your teeth and gums are numb.  When your ear is numb, though, you barely notice it so the feeling isn't quite as strange.  What was a bit unusual, though, was when she was cutting through the cartilage, and the unique squishy sound that makes.  Again, it's a bit unnerving.  Of course, let's not forget the always wonderful cauterization that occurs after they do the cutting, where you get this wonderful smell of burning human flesh, namely your own.  It'll probably come as no surprise but I have found that my flesh being on fire doesn't exactly smell appetizing.

The sewing up of my ear was actually less traumatic than my nose, even with the taking of the skin graft, and so on.  The graft is a bit bizarre because it does pretty much sound like a cheese grater, only you're the cheese.  I have yet to see the actual wound on the side of my head because it's covered up but the bandage is fairly large.  Once the doctor took the graft, she promptly sewed it to the top of my ear and then also literally sewed what looks like a small sponge as well, something she calls "the pumpkin" simply due to the shape of it.  The graft has already turned pretty black, or at least what I can see of it, and my ear is still throbbing off and on.  The pain overall last night once the anesthetic wore off was not quite as bad as it was for my nose so overall I'd say the ear is actually better than the nose, although I now have the added pressure to make sure that the skin graft stays completely dry yet moist with Vaseline or less it might not take.  Oh, what a joy that would be.

If nothing else, this has been quite the experience so far.  It helps a bit that my doctor and crew are fairly jovial so we actually chat through most of these procedures and get a few laughs in.  From here, I just need to lay very low for the next 7 days and hope that everything heals according to plan.  I won't know until my next appointment next Wednesday, when they promptly start mutilating the top of my head.  Ah, what a summer.

Damn Your Eyes!

You may have noticed that I've been rather quiet lately.  This is simply because I've had way too many distractions going on, and whereas I wouldn't say that I haven't been productive at all, I'm not exactly tearing it up either.

First up, my nose...  I got the stitches removed last Wednesday, and whereas I had already seen the wound and what's now considered my "nose" (or new nose, if you will), I was finally able to see pretty much how my nose was healing and what to expect going forward.  She wasn't kidding...my nose does look a bit different and skinnier now.  I'd also dare say that it looks pointier, which isn't really what I was hoping for, but maybe it'll heal a bit differently.  I used to have a great nose, or at least I thought so.  I also noticed that my glasses now sit just ever so slightly in a different manner on the bridge of my nose.  Once the stitches were removed, they basically glued Steri strips over the top of the wound from which I'm to wait until they fall off naturally (which hasn't yet occurred).

We also chatted a bit about my ear which is next up for the Mohs procedure.  Dare I say that it freaks me out a bit.  There's talk of skin grafts, a large bandage literally sewn to my ear for over a week, not being able to shower or get it wet, and so on.  Sounds awful.  Clearly, I won't be sleeping on that side of my body for quite some time let alone wearing headphones.  I also keep worrying that a big chunk of my ear cartilage will now be missing, sort of like a missing jigsaw puzzle piece.

As if my nose and ear worries aren't enough, my eyes have also been freaking out lately.  I think it's this time of year that plays pure havoc on them since in SoCal, along the ocean, we go through what they call "May Gray" and then "June Gloom", just a fancy way of saying that it's basically overcast every single day for at least half the day if not all of it.  Something about the darker skies mixed with how the light hits the house seems to make my eyes on full alert.  I've been pretty paranoid over the past 30 days that something was going on with them.

Last night, my eyes were really showcasing a large floater to a huge degree.  And then, this morning, I awoke to the same hazy blurry vision in my left eye (my so called used to be "good eye") as I've had in my right eye since the whole retinal detachment.  I have a bad feeling that my retina is detaching right now in my left eye.  Not only is this alarming as is but if it's so, well, there's goes my recording week, not to mention apparently I will never see clearly again.  I spent the day trying to get some stuff done and not focusing on my eye issue but it was nearly impossible since the haziness is just absurd.  It was hard enough with one good eye and one bad eye, but now they're both going to be bad eyes?  Ugh.  The only way I can describe what I'm seeing is to imagine a piece of Saran Wrap, about the size of a dime, and having it float quickly back and forth across your eyeballs, coupled maybe with a hair or two in it and a bunch of tiny little dots.  Yep, that's pretty much it.

Of course, today is a holiday so there's clearly no one at the doctor's office.  I guess I'll be calling first thing in the morning to see if I can get in there.  The downside either way is that they'll dialate my eyes and I won't be able to see for hours up close and so I can't really see my being too terribly productive.  However, if there's any hope of not having to get a needle in the eye again, and having to lay on my side for a week straight, I'm all for it but I dare say that my hopes aren't very high.  My gut tells me that they're simply going to tell me to wait until it completely detaches.  Again, awesome.

I hope everyone else has had a pleasant holiday weekend.  Here's to hoping that the retina doctor can somehow help me out tomorrow.

The Nose Knows

I received a phone call yesterday afternoon where the voice on the other end said, "You're in luck!  We had a cancellation tomorrow and so you can come in tomorrow for your first procedure."  The 'first procedure' in question is the first of probably eight Mohs procedures, basically to remove the small skin cancer bumps off of my head and face.  I particularly found the "...you're in luck..." part interesting because I frequently say that I'm the unluckiest person on Earth, meaning I never win anything.  It seems about the only thing I can "win" is an earlier appointment for removing half of my nose.

Well, okay, that's a slight exaggeration, really, but they did want to start with the bump on my nose.  After a series of long discussions on that phone call, most of which I was very reluctant to bump up the appointment date, the doctor herself finally called me and more or less strong armed me into it.  And so, I went to sleep last night with mild anxiety, not sleeping much at all, mentally preparing for this appointment today where they'd start hacking at my nose.

I now sit here typing with an extremely large bandage across my nose and the front of my face.  The numbness wore off about two hours ago and I was slightly shocked to see just how much this wound actually hurt.  I've never had a broken nose but I can only imagine that it feels rather similar.  It kind of feels like someone went over my nose with a large cheese grater about 25 times.  I'm apparently going to have some sort of line on my nose as well, basically the scar, and the doctor also said "your nose will be thinner looking".  I never thought of myself as a fat nosed individual, mind you, but I got her point.  I'm sort of wondering if I'm now going to have a crooked nose, ala Owen Wilson?  It would be cool if it would always point, say, north, or something special like that but that's probably too much to ask.

I also can't decide if I look more like Humphrey Bogart in "Dark Passage", right after the guy breaks his nose in order to have it set in an unrecognizable manner since he's running from the cops, or Marcia Brady just after the football hit her in the face.  Either way, I guess my nose will now be different going forward.  I'm thinking I should have taken more pictures of it along the way.  Heck, I'm already missing my old nose.

I can now also say, not proudly, really, that I've had the experience of multiple needles in my nose and my eye.  Next up, will be the cells on my ear.  Sigh.  Getting old is hell.  Strangely, all I could think about as they were hacking and sewing my nose today was the scene at the end of "Sleeper", where Woody Allen has stolen the leaders nose and is threatening to shoot it with a gun.

On the music front, my mixes from last weekend do in fact sound much better, and I was super pleased to hear that the live basement tracks sound quite wonderful through the stereo.  I think we'll be seeing a release of these fairly soon.  See?  At least there's some good news.  Talk about cutting off your nose to spite your face...

Still Digging

I can't say that I'm yet back in the realm of normal music work but I'm certainly trying.  I did manage to accomplish one of the last big tasks on my "to do" list around the house so hopefully that'll free me up both mentally and literally to focus much more on music creation.  My week off is fast approaching so I need to really get my proverbial sh*t together.  My finger is not doing well so I have a feeling that I will indeed be seeing a hand specialist fairly soon.

I don't want to go off too much on a tangent but I must say that the state of film and television really truly disappoints me.  I'm actually in fear that film in general is slowly being destroyed as a format and this both terrifies me and makes me incredibly sad.  These are very strange days that we're living in, to say the least, and it's sad that even the few things that I really enjoy are being destroyed before my eyes.

Being a bit bored and morbidly curious, I decided to watch the first episode of "Yellowjackets" of which I keep hearing about on commercials and such.  Episode one was free...to lure you in, of course, and I actually really liked it.  I was really glad to see that it didn't have the usual bullsh*t writing that I can't stand in most modern TV series and it actually held my interest.  So, I decided to plunk down the $11 to try a month of Showtime.  Well, wouldn't you know...episode 2 almost immediately made me want to vomit and I don't think I'll be continuing with the show.  How do people a) watch this stuff and b) find it so compelling, especially to "binge" watch?  This is a total mystery to me, much more of a mystery than what apparently "actually happened" out there to the Yellowjackets.  Binge watching in general makes zero sense to me, and might possibly be one of the dumbest things ever, in my opinion.  I mean, if you happen to like something, why burn through it?  Senseless.  Also, I can't help but wonder if this is some new subscription ploy, where the networks are either getting good writers to write the initial episode, just to suck you in, and then revert to the usual silliness, where the B or C strings writers take over and can't seem to understand how actual human dialogue would work in the real world.

Even worse, I decided to try the first episode of Prime's new "Dead Ringers".  I barely made it 10 minutes into it; I actually almost stopped at the opening scene.  Again, why/how do people watch this?!  I'm rather shocked that Rachel Weisz would want to be part of a such a poorly written series.

Lastly, if you need more proof that movies have gone into the toilet completely, I just happened upon a trailer for a film, no joke, called "Winnie the Pooh:  Blood and Honey".  Um...there are no words for this one, and if you haven't already watched the trailer, you simply must, just for the groan factor.  I'll give you a hint...it's a horror movie :)  Yeah, it's supposed to be THAT Winnie the Pooh.  Apparently, this is just what the world needs right now, and angry, axe wielding Winne the Pooh.  And, people ask me why I supposedly waste my time watching old Sherlock Holmes films and such...?

If that's not enough for you, Tommy Wiseau of "The Room" fame (if that's what you call it) has apparently been given another shot at making a movie.  Why?  I have no clue.  The new one is called "Big Shark" and is apparently about a huge land shark attacking New Orleans.  I know - makes you want to run right out and see it, huh?  Sigh.  I think we're doomed (actually, I'm pretty sure of it).

What a Racket

In other news, I made the yearly trip out to Palm Springs for the BNP Paribas Tennis tournament, something I enjoy doing annually.  It ends up being a very long day, getting up around 7:30am and then getting home at 1:30am, but it's usually worth it.  This year was particularly interesting since rain was in the forecast, and as promised, a short rain storm stopped play for about 2 hours on the grounds around 3pm.  The interesting part was that on Stadium 4, where Shapovalov was playing Humbert, the grounds keeper guy brought a bunch of rollers in order to dry off the court and a bunch of people from the stands were so enthusiastic to get back to the match that they jumped out of their seats, grabbed a roller, and promptly started working to dry the court.  Here's a pic of a couple of them in action, and I'm fairly sure this made the news reel:

You'd think that the people running the tournament would have been overjoyed; instead, they were being jokingly critical and showing the fans how to roll the court correctly.  It was rather memorable, to say the least.

Later that night, I also got to see Medvedev and then Giorgi on the big stadium for the evening session, Stadium 1.  It ended up being a very late night, and even though the rain blew about 2 hours plus of time, it'll be a year that I certainly remember well.  The seats were great for Stadium 1, and here's a great shot of Giorgi vs. Pegula (unfortunately Giorgi lost after winning a strong first set):

Ah, DST...  Don't get me started.  I did finally play a bit of guitar today, and it's murder on my left hand after not playing for a couple of weeks.  I realized by looking at the calendar that Memorial Day isn't that far off, and since I plan to start the recording sessions for the new Jazz Machine album during that week, well, I better get my sh*t together.

Brushed

I woke up in a panic around 2am to the sound of a strange whirring sound loudly emanating from apparently the master bathroom sink.  What the hell?!  It is a fairly new faucet but since when do faucets make noise when not on?!  Turning the faucet on/off seemed to do the trick...for about 10 seconds.  Then, it started again.

Everything you buy these days seems to be complete trash.  It was bad enough pre-pandemic; post pandemic has made it feel like you're buying goods from some stranger in a trench coat standing on a street corner.  To make the jab in the crotch even worse, they've upped the price on everything.  Great times.

More whirring, more jiggling, and then I decided to turn the water off at the faucet.  Still whirring.  Wtf?!  Then, I realized that the faucet has 2 separate water lines to turn off.  With both off, I thought I had it...and then more whirring.

It was then that I realized that it was NOT the faucet but my Sonicare Toothbrush which sits directly to the left of the faucet.  Yes, this is what happens when you get woken up at 2am and you're completely out of it.  For whatever reason, the toothbrush, which I probably had about 6-7 years, decided to completely lose it's mind and was turning on and off at random.  Wow.

So, what do you DO about this?  I mean, there's literally only one button on the toothbrush, of which pushing it was doing almost no good, and no port to pull out the battery, etc.  It was a fantastic puzzle to encounter now around 2:20am on a weeknight.  And so, I pondered, trying to figure out what the hell to do.  I came up with 2 poor solutions, climbed back into bed, then thought about it a bit more, then left the bed again and tried a different solution.  This happened 2-3 more times.  Finally, I decided to get a towel, lay it in a storage bin, place the bin in the car's trunk outside, and leave it there overnight, hoping desperately that the toothbrush doesn't overheat and catch fire, or blow up.  It was the only solution I could come up with in a panic that a) didn't make noise that I could hear and b) wouldn't bother the neighbors since you couldn't hear it running with the trunk lid down.  Now, if it DID blow up, well, that probably would annoy the neighbors...but I had run out of ideas.

I got back into bed around 3:30am and, as you may have guessed, was filled with nothing but anxiety at this point, worrying about a stupid toothbrush with no on/off switch.  I tossed and turned for hours but at least I knew the house wasn't on fire and the car hadn't blown up.  I ended up getting about a total of 4 hours sleep that night.  I'm still feeling the residual lethargy.

That's it for me.  I hope life is treating everyone well, and all I can say is beware of those rogue Sonicare's.  I finally ended up hitting that damn thing with a hammer the next day to get the battery out and disconnected.  It almost seems like a good metaphor...for something.

New Year

It's hard to believe that it's 2023.  Sigh.  Where the hell did 2022, let alone 2020 and 2021, go?  They all went by so incredibly fast that it literally scares the living hell out of me.

No news flash here but I've never been a party or a people person so New Year's Eve normally is a time to watch a couple if not a slew of films at home.  This year's choices were the oddly disturbing "Brimstone & Treacle", a film I haven't seen since the mid 80's, and then followed up by "The Ice Storm", a film I literally despised when I saw it in the theater originally but would now rave about.  Both films are rather disturbing, I think, and the end of "The Ice Storm" isn't exactly uplifting, and so 2023 began with tears in my eyes as the film was finishing up.  Now, if that isn't a "me" way of ringing in the new year...well, I don't know what is.

Ironically, I kept hearing rain all through "The Ice Storm" and was mildly impressed with how realistic the sound bar was sounding tonight.  Little did I know that it's actually pouring rain outside, and how appropriate the timing was, as if it was trying to add a bit more ambience to the already heavy mood filled movie.

I'll admit that this week has not gone really according to plan on multiple levels but I have been trying to get a little bit of work done and also relaxation time in.  I'm not sleeping well right now and I'm not sure why, and I've been overall in not the greatest mood either.  I kind of feel like the last 3-4 months finally caught up with me at long last.  I did just discover that Dark Horse Comics released a slew of original "Tales from the Crypt", "Vault of Horror", and "The Haunt of Fear" comics in big bound bundles and so I've been reading some of the latter in the evening which has been quite fun.  I remember buying some of those back in the late 80's when they were reprinted for a short period of time.  I have no idea what happened to those comics that I owned and I fear that my parents, in their infinite wisdom and not so good nature, threw all of them out at some point.  In any event, it's been nice revisiting some of that stuff after all of these years and I'll surely buy more.

In regards to music, I have been working on the "Lost Weekend" remixes and so far they're coming along nicely.  I did a bit of work on the Defrost Nixon album but it was incredibly frustrating so I have yet to return to it.  At the same time, I know that Peele is still struggling with "The Effects of Connection" and we're both experiencing some of the same issues, mainly drum problems.  It'll be interesting to compare how we both deal with these issues in the end and what the final result comes out being.

That's it for now (it's 12:30am) but more in a few days.  Happy New Year everyone and let's hope for a decent 2023!  I think we'd all agree that we sure could use it.