MN itself really isn't a bad place at all, mind you, but I really didn't fit in there much. I also grew incredibly tired of people constantly telling me that I didn't fit in one way or another, and again my animosity only grew and grew over the years. There was a time when I actually thought I'd never be able to leave. When things like this occur, at least for me, it builds up a really bizarre false set of feelings internally that end up being rather challenging to overcome.
Needless to say, when I drove out of MN in my Mini Cooper S in late December of 2016 and physically crossed the state line for the last time as a resident, I literally cheered, screamed, etc. at the top of my lungs. I could hardly believe it. I also vowed I might never return. I always said that the only reason I would consider returning is if John Zorn played another birthday fest at the Walker, of which he had for both his 50th and 60th birthdays, and both shows were incredibly memorable.
And so, when the 70th birthday Zorn fest was announced two months ago, I mulled it over and promptly gave in. I will honestly admit that I've had nothing but anxiety about this trip coming into it. In fact, yesterday, prepping to get to the airport, even sitting on the plane, etc., I literally felt defeated and depressed knowing I was flying to MN. It's kind of hard to explain, really, but I was also so incredibly tired and was falling in and out sleep on the plane, having visions that MN was this large Godzilla/Mothra styled monster grabbing people (myself included) with it's tongue, dragging them back into the void. Yes, that's how weird this whole thing has gotten for me.
After lying in this depression for awhile, and trying to keep calm on the plane, of which I don't enjoy plane rides much, not because of being off the ground but more or less being cramped in a tight space, I did my best to come to terms with everything and did a lot of thinking in general. I thought about my whole life, decisions I've made, wrong turns, terrible wrongs that I wish I could right but can't, and so on. I finally just told myself that you might, just might, feel better once you're on the ground and have some time to acclimate.
The plane ride was fairly uneventful. Thankfully, I brought along "Bohemian Rhapsody" to watch on my laptop, a movie I had deliberately been putting off since its release and found it to actually be fairly enjoyable. It definitely helped to pass the time. One alarming thing that happened was when the flight crew announced, "Ladies and gentlemen...if there are any medical personnel on the plane, please come to the front". Yeah, that's never what you want to hear on a plane, right? I immediately thought that maybe the pilot had ordered the fish and was deathly ill, a callback to the old "Airplane" movie. Hell knows that I wouldn't be the one flying the plane for them, even with the automatic pilot.
We landed on time but it was 11:45pm MN time. The real kicker is that Terminal 1 in San Diego is beyond awful and ended up having no food that I could eat, and here I thought I was being smart by saving time and planning to grab dinner at the airport. Instead, I only got to eat 2 Kind bars before taking off and was now physically starving beyond belief. The real downside is that the Twin Cities more or less closes down food wise by 10pm so I had to do a bit of digging.
I mildly lucked out because White Castle was open, in fact it was the one I used to go to by my old workplace. Unfortunately, the road was closed so I immediately got lost, and I was also slightly shocked by how I couldn't completely remember how to get around nor did I remember the street names. I should also mention that at midnight in the outskirts of the Twin Cities, there's literally no lighting anywhere and no cars on the road. I was frankly shocked to see that White Castle actually WAS open at that hour given the circumstances.
The Impossible Sliders, which I've been eager to try for awhile, honestly weren't as good as the old veggie sliders. Bummer. Eating at midnight, or 10pm my time, also didn't sit well in my stomach or intestines, as you might imagine, and I didn't end up getting to sleep until about 2:30am.
This morning, I woke up in a mild hurry, went and grabbed my old MN favorite Caribou coffee, and then met up with my old work mates at the Original Pancake House. It was really fun seeing them and chatting, and it was almost like I had never left even though it's been 7 years. I was also pleased to see that my weird feelings about the area seem to quickly be disappearing, and instead I'm focused on just enjoying myself. It's also the first time in a few weeks that life has finally slowed down a bit since I've been going at full speed for as long as I can remember, and I don't handle stress or a frantic pace very well.
Next, off to Paisley Park for a 2 hour VIP tour. It should be interesting. Overall, I think it's going to end up being an enjoyable weekend after all and maybe it'll finally put all these weird feelings to rest. If so, that's a major win in my book.
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