Things We Don't Have

I heard the most fascinating thing the other day while grabbing some food.  This particular establishment had a line up of large coffee thermoses, if you will, kind of like in the style that, say, Einstein's used to have, with probably about 6-7 varieties.  While making the difficult decision, a worker came up, interrupted my thought process, and asked, "Let me know if you'd like any coffee that we don't have."

This, of course, puzzled the living heck out of me and left me momentarily speechless.  How exactly does one answer this question?!  What does that even mean?!  These were the initial things that popped into my head, and then about all I could manage to squeak out was a "um, okay, thanks."  I mean, what can you possibly say to this question after all?

I then pondered this even more.  Was he saying that he had more coffee in the back and that he'd get it if it was requested?  Or, was he asking for opinions for possible additional flavors and styles, like, "...I really wish you had X coffee..."?  My personal favorite hypothesis, though, was that he meant it literally; "let me know if you'd like any coffee that we don't have".  Hmm.

I then couldn't resist but run with this in my mind a bit.  Maybe this guy ALWAYS talks like this - could you imagine?  He walks into a bank:  "Hi, I'd like to withdraw some money...that I don't have".  "Here's my ATM card...that I left at home".  "I'll place the funds into my wallet...which is in my other trousers".  Or, maybe he asks other patrons at the food establishment, "Tell me if you'd like to order something off of the menu...that we don't actually make".  "Would you like to add avocado...which we don't keep on hand?"  I mean, imagine the possibilities here!  This could be a very interesting world to live in and it immediately made me want to be his friend, just to see exactly how far this curious line of communication could actually go.  Then again (sigh), it's probably more much likely that he either had a slip of the tongue or it was simply a language barrier.  Still, ah, yes, I much prefer my version.

We all know that communication is going down the toilet.  The English language has certainly been bastardized by the likes of texting, laziness, and an overall feeling that proper communication is simply unimportant.  I personally think it's a huge part of what we all hate about daily life now and the demise of common courtesy...and yet most people don't seem to want to admit it or do a thing to change it.  Therefore, I stand on my lone island, the defender of the language, kind of like Joan of Ark as she burned at the stake, while everyone else around me attempts to communicate via a series of grunts, emoji's, and bizarre shorthand.  I'll continue to use complete sentences, dammit, no matter what, even in texts.  Grrr!  Oh, wait, that's a grunt...please ignore.

And now, I think I'll go play some music...that was never made.