Mohs #6

This week brought about Mohs appointment #6, of what we originally thought was 6 out of 8.  The appointment went very well and it ended up being my first one pass appointment, and I'd dare say that it was the most uneventful and comfortable pain-wise appointment to date.

Of course, there had to be some bad news thrown in there as well.  In working on spot #6, my doctor said, "Oh...um, you appear to have two new spots right next to this one."   Ugh.  I can't say that I'm completely shocked by this but I think I already have two new spots growing in the front of my head so that would actually mean I potentially have four new spots.  Double ugh.  Even worse, my doctor said in a worrying voice, "...I wonder why you're growing these new ones..."  Yeah, that's really not what I wanted to hear.

I then made the mistake of looking up Mohs procedures online once I got home.  There's such a thing as "failed Mohs procedures" which this particular doctor who wrote the article talked about how it's then necessary to use more aggressive forms of control if Mohs is "failing".  Great.  Now, I don't know if this is true or not but it certainly got my paranoia in a tizzy and I haven't stopped thinking about it since.

Also, during the appointment this week, I asked what my ear would end up looking like once it's fully grown back.  My doctor promptly said, "Oh, that's it.  It's fully grown back."  Um, what?!  Yes, apparently I'm going to be left with not much for the top area of my right ear.  Awesome.  She then went on to say that she could cut it open again, take some cartilage out of my other ear, place it in this ear, and so on, and then maybe I'd have a bit more curve at the top.  My head immediately thought, hell, if I do all that, I'll probably get another skin cancer spot on said ear and have to do the whole thing all over again.  And so, I guess for now I'm going to live with no definite top to my ear.

A bit to my surprise, my doctor said, "Well, you have a bit of a curve to the top of your ear.  I actually expected less."  Well, I just wish I had been a bit more informed of that, really.  I like my doctor and all but she's not always the greatest at explaining what I should be expecting as a result of these procedures.

In the meantime, I'm once again suffering from what I call "tight head", where the skin on your head is a bit tighter than normal due to the stitches and you're not really able to do your full range of motion.  It's an odd feeling, to say the least.

Other than that, I'm still trying to get myself motivated all over again in life in general.  I actually played a bit of guitar today, and I'm supposed to be recording in just a week from now, but trying to muster any real motivation is going to be a real trick.  I guess I'll just do the best I can.

Also, the hurricane last week pretty much ended up being nothing more than a steady drizzle.  I'm not really complaining but now I have 12 sand bags to dispose of.  Anybody need sand?!  Drop me a line if you do.

The Storm called "Life"

I can almost hear it from here:  "...no sooner does he branch out his blogs, but he can't be bothered to write in any of them.  I knew this blog branching was a mistake!!"

It's funny how things happen in this manner.  I had zero intention of not making any blog entries for nearly a month but, well, sometimes life just happens, and it really has been happening.  In fact, it just seems to keep coming, from every corner imaginable.

For example, as I type this, I'm sitting here waiting for Hurricane Hillary to hit at any moment.  I pretty much blew the entire weekend trying to find sand bags, putting them around one side of the house that tends to have the water come up too high and close, and then moved everything that could be a projectile into the garage.  In doing this, it meant I had to leave my car outside to weather the storm.  Now, this might seem a bit odd but there's so little storage space here, and based on what the news was saying, I felt the odds of the various odds and ends of items in the backyard flying around was much greater than, well, my car.  Of course, a tree could fall on the car...but there really isn't a tree in the front yard.  If there's any chance for a tree down the street to somehow come flying or walking down the road and landing square on my car, though, I'm fairly certain it'll find a way because that's just my luck in life.

So far, the weather has been positively nothing over here except for a mild lagging drizzle.  Now, I'm not complaining but it has been a bit unexpected.  Weather in this area, though, can be very strange where 2 streets over can have a massive downpour but your particular house gets nothing.  It's just hard to tell.  If the news is correct, LA was getting some nasty flooding.  But then, about an hour ago my phone lit up with an alert about an earthquake north of LA, and to be prepared for after shocks.  I mean, seriously?  A hurricane AND earthquake?!  Where's the tsunami when you need it??  And, with the Weather Channel on right now, it says there's also a big tornado warning.  Geeez.

Anyhow, back to the long bit of nothingness...  The silence is mainly due to the fact that I've got little to report except for various tidbits of bad news.  In fact, I've barely done anything at all music related since the end of May and I just can't seem to find the motivation for much of anything at the moment.  My head and ear did finally heal enough so that I could once again wear headphones but by that point I seemed to have little interest in putting them on.  I'm currently seeking a way to get out of this slump, or funk, but I'm actually going back in for Moh's surgery #6 this Wednesday so now doesn't seem like the proper time to get remotivated.

One thing that did occur over the past 2 months was seeing Oumou Sangare down in La Jolla.  That was a real joy and treat, and I just haven't gotten around yet to writing about it.  That happened in June, I think, so, um, yeah, I'm a bit behind.  By the time I write about it, I probably won't remember what happened.

And yet, still, I'm hanging in there, trying to be positive, doing various business related tasks around the house, etc., and I guess I can't really complain too terribly.  There is the issue of the cats, though, who were acquired earlier this year.  They both have unexpected gingivitis with one of them progressing into something much worse and more serious, and apparently dental surgery is needed and will most likely be around 10k (and no, not the race 10k either).  Oh joy.  And, I was worried about coming up with the 10k to record the EP with Marty.  Looks like that's definitely getting pushed to next year...

Yes, this is all the big storm that we simply call "life".  We all deal with it, we all have to go through it, and somehow find a way to pull through and carry onward.  I'll hopefully do the same.  In the meantime, I'm working on my motivation, and if nothing else just finishing this blog entry is a bit of a start.  See?  There's the positive.

What Scares You?

I have a pretty decent local Starbucks practically right across the street from my subdivision, close enough that if I did choose to walk there, I'd probably make it within 15 minutes.  I actually like my local Starbucks and crew, although probably like everywhere the crew does seem to change more often than I'd like.  For the most part, though, when I do go in there, I recognize at least 70% of the people working there; unfortunately, they don't seem to ever recognize me but I try not to hold that against them.

Now, I'm a self admitted coffee snob;  well, some might say "you could just stop at 'snob'".  Okay, yes, I completely admit it - I'm a very critical, particular kind of guy and I always have been.  I enjoy critiquing things, picking them apart, seeing what they're made of, and especially understanding how they work and what makes them special.  What do you think I spend so much time writing after all?  Exactly.

So, then, why the heck am I at a Starbucks?  Well, being snobby and all doesn't mean that I won't go somewhere that's not the absolute best.  Actually, I like Starbucks but it depends upon what I'm ordering.  Regular coffee?  Almost never; too much heartburn.  Lattes?  Pretty good, but they also give me, um, bad reactions.  I'm mainly a Flat White kind of guy in Starbucks land and the main reason I go there is that it's absolutely the closest coffee to my house, and I don't always have time to venture further.  All things considered, though, I have respect for Starbucks, and I actually give them credit for raising the bar on what coffee was and could be.  Thinking back to life pre Starbucks, we were buying coffee at McDonalds or maybe the gas station, and my stomach and intestines ache just thinking about it (shudder).

Back to today at Starbucks (sorry, that was a minor tangent...well, I'm picky about tangents as well)...  After ordering my drink, I patiently waited like any good patron.  It was then that I noticed a small white erase board with the following thing written on it:  "Do what scares you and you'll be... HAPPY"

Now, upon reading this, I literally chuckled out loud.  I mean, I got what they were trying to say but I was incredibly tempted to just walk up to the board, casually and nonchalantly erase the word "happy", and then replace it with "FRIGHTENED".  That seemed to make more sense to me.

Yeah, sure, there's the old adage of hitting things that scare you head on so that you can conquer them, move on from them, and so on.  You know, the old "jump in the dive end" idea.  But, "do what scares you and you'll be happy?"  Um...yeah, that's a bit of a head scratcher.  That's like telling a person deathly afraid of heights to climb the Empire State Building and that they'll definitely start laughing from joy.  Something tells me that's just not going to be the case.

Still, I've got to give the crew some credit; they are thinking, at least, and trying to spread a positive message of sorts.  Now, maybe they're thinking and/or English grammar skills are a bit lacking but...  Maybe tomorrow they should write:  "Write and say what you mean and then other people will UNDERSTAND"??  Hmm.  Possibly, but then again, that definitely seems to be a lost art.

Mohs is Better than Moe's

Hah!  Do you remember that old slogan?  It's actually "Bonz are better than bones", some dog treat made originally in the 80's.  The advertising campaign was so prominent that I've never forgotten it and yet I haven't had a dog since childhood.

Ah, Mohs...  Yes, procedure #5 occurred this past Wednesday and I'm still recovering.  This was another removal from the front of my head/scalp, not far from the one I had done a few weeks ago.  I've really gotten into the swing of Mohs, which is of course a bit sad and pathetic to say.  I guess as long as you're not removing a significant part of my body and hoping it grows back, it's not the worst thing in the world.

Now, the bad part about scalp Moh's removals is just how tight your skin is afterward.  It's kind of like you get Mohs AND a face lift at the same exact time.  Then, after the procedure, you find you can't do simple things like smile, look surprised, and so on, at least not without feeling a pretty bad jolt of pain and mild ripping feeling.

This time around the numbing needles weren't too bad but there was one place that just wouldn't really fully numb.  When they did the cauterizing, I definitely felt my skin/head on fire.  Wow.  Also, the closing was fairly rough since apparently I was bleeding much more than the doctor was used to.  She even asked, "Are you taking Ibuprofen?"  Nope.  "Are you really nervous?"  Strangely, nope, although I'm not sure why that would make me bleed more.  I couldn't really account for the excessive bleeding at all but I was unusually calm.  Once the closing started, though, I could feel the needle in that magic area that wouldn't numb and somehow managed not to freak out.

I removed the big bulky pressure bandage today and cleaned the area.  I was expecting heavy blood residue but it wasn't too bad.  Again, this seems to be becoming old hat for me at this point and I fully know the drill:  remove the bandage, clean the area, Q-tip on some ointment, rebandage, and so on.  I could probably start doing Moh's procedures as a side hustle (now, that's a scary thought).  Now, if only I could wiggle my eyebrows again (sigh).

Branch Me!

Decisions have been made!  May the people rejoice!  Your prayers have been answered!!!  Um, yeah, well, sort of but not really...

This blog is BRANCHING!  In fact, it's reverting back immediately to what it more or less used to be...a funny story and opinion blog, and nothing more.  For anyone wanting to follow my recording diary, there is now a new active blog called "Supernova Hodgepodge" that you can find at:  https://supernovahodgepodge.blogspot.com/   Please mark it and become a follower!  Already active is the very long winded story of "Theories for the Opsimath", something I've been meaning to write for ages.  Please note that the official look and layout of "Supernova Hodgepodge" is probably not yet done so expect some changes to follow.

Also, recording based posts on this blog will more than likely move to "Supernova Hodgepodge" so don't be shocked if posts suddenly disappear.  No, you're not losing your mind.

Lastly, I fully expect 2 more new blogs to appear in the near future, one about albums that have shaped my life and inspired me (ie, the old Tower Records DID list), and quite possibly a monthly story blog.  I'll certainly let you know when either of those appears and where you can find them.

Thank you for your continued support and hopefully this new branching out will allow people to follow the aspects of my writing that interests them most!

Blood, Mother, Blood!!!

I can't even begin to tell you how sick I am of bleeding on a daily basis.  My god.  The "donor" area for the graft is just so beyond annoying that it's maddening.  I mean, it's been over 2 weeks and yet it looks like it was taken yesterday, and the constant drip, drip, drip...ugh.  I've seen more of my blood in the past month than I have my entire life.  It's amazing I have any left at this point!

I think I also made a decision that I'm just going to stick with Blogger for now and in fact, if I do start additional blogs, I'll just do them here.  I just don't see any reason to switch, really.  I know...if you want people to actually find your blog and read it, etc., you need to go where the crowds are.  Well, I've never been much into that thinking so I doubt at my age that I'm going to change much in that arena.  We'll see if I get my albums list going fairly soon.

Wishing everyone a happy 4th!  Now, please let my ear grow back faster and stop the damn bleeding (geesh)...

Another Hole in the Head

My appointment this week actually went fairly well, although I wouldn't say that it was at all without pain.  I went into this one completely paranoid beyond belief that the graft was falling off my ear, and quite frankly this was making me incredibly anxious, upset, and downright angry.  Looking back on this, I had a complete right to feel these things based on the information that I was given.  I had asked if it was normal that an outer layer of skin on the graft would fall off, exposing a fairly red and irritated looking skin underneath, and told 'no', that it wasn't normal whatsoever.  You can probably see how this whole tornado began inside my mind.  I also looked at pictures online of other people's reported ear graft situations and none of them look even remotely like mine.

In any event, upon arriving at my appointment, in a much worse mood than normal, they looked at my ear and the doctor promptly said, "No, that looks fine.  It's just healing".  I was a bit dumbfounded at first but after more conversation, etc., I realized that if nothing else my worries had been in vain, and actually I was okay with that if I didn't have to go through another graft and so on.  This is partially what you get from looking at the internet (never trust the internet...I swear).

Of course, before I could even really digest this news, I was being jabbed with needles in the back of my head and, before I knew it, yet another chunk of scalp was removed.  This time around, I finally got a 3 passer (hooray for me!  Well, not really), meaning it took 3 passes to get all of the cancer out.  I really don't mind the passes that much except for the extended time it takes since by then you're already numb and the actual passes themselves are fairly quick.  I will say, though, that something about this place on my head made me feel more pain than I normally do, and it seemed like the doctor was having a hard time getting me fully numbed.  Another thing I noted was a very disturbing squishy noise which I can only imagine was my skin being...well...I don't know...something'd.  I was too afraid to ask and frankly didn't really want to know.

I never look forward to the closing of the surgery spot and I thought this one in particular would be really horrific.  Surprisingly, it seemed to go faster than the others.  I guess you just never really know what to expect in these procedures OR dare I say I'm getting used it, which is a bit frightening, if so.  Next thing I knew, I was out the door and driving home yet again after 5pm, whereas I arrived at 1pm.

I was told once that I'd get a pretty bad headache from this procedure.  What I actually got instead, though, was more like the feeling of being hit over the head very hard with a hammer.  I'm not sure how some patients call this a "headache" because to me a headache is a very specific thing, and having been hit in the head with a baseball and other various objects over the years I've never equated that unique feeling with having a headache.  Needless to say, my head started pounding unbelievably in the middle of the night, waking me up, and leaving me to where there was no possible position on the pillow where I wasn't feeling some sort of pain from one of my many wounds.

Two days later, the "hammer" feeling is still there but has at least gone down to something more manageable.  Today, I got my stitches out on the front of my head, basically the area I had done the previous week, and so I'm slowly starting to look a bit more presentable.  I'm actually starting to feel a little less paranoid about my ear but it still looks pretty horrendous, and I wouldn't wish the visual of it upon anyone.  The few times I have been out of the house in public, I do what I can to kind of keep it hidden although that's fairly impossible.

I also got a special "bonus" at my appointment this week.  One of my cats had given me a very loving head butt the day before directly to my nose...you know, the area that's still healing...and I promptly let out a yelp because I was shocked at how much it hurt.  Then, I noticed blood dripping downward and so I brought it up to the doctor towards the end of the appointment.  She unfortunately dived right in, well, literally, and started poking at the wound over and over from which I was literally screaming and had tears running down the side of my eyes just slightly.  It was incredible how much this hurt.  They always say that love hurts and I had to have a talk with my cat once I got home.

We're of course going into a holiday weekend in which I thankfully have 4 days off.  I was slightly afraid that it would be fruitless due to this latest set of wounds but I actually think I might be okay.  Here's to hoping, and with some luck I'll get back to music.  In the meantime, everyone please keep their digits intact, and for crying out loud don't shoot a gun at the sky for the bullet always lands somewhere.  Happy 4th!

Oh, It's You Again

Oh!  Hey!  It's me again, the guy with one ear.  Remember?

Okay, I'll admit that's a bit of an exaggeration, but I will honestly say that this ear thing is real cr*p, at least in my opinion.  It'll now be 2 weeks tomorrow since my surgery and today I found a rather strange occurrence, where it looked like part of the thin outer skin layer of the graft came off on a Q-Tip when I was cleaning it.  Of course, I panicked as all get out and went into a mild tizzy.  It's nearly impossible to really see one of your own ears and so I took picture after picture on my phone, trying to get a glimpse.  Needless to say, taking a picture of your own ear isn't much better than trying to see your own ear, and so this took probably 30 minutes to an hour to actually accomplish.

I then called the doctor's office; they were out to lunch still.  This gave me a whole 'nother half hour to panic blindly, taking pictures, looking at it obsessively in the mirror, etc.  When I finally got through to the doctor's office, her assistant had a mild tone of "...oh...this guy again..."  I emailed the photos and she promptly called me back saying that it was probably just a small chunk of skin that came off, to keep it lubricated, and they'd look at it closer tomorrow.

Yes, tomorrow...in which I get yet another hole in my head, this time on the back of my head.  I'm convinced that fairly soon I won't be able to sleep at all since every corner of my head and face will have something that can't touch a pillow.  I guess I need to find a way to sleep on air.  Yes, yes, that's the solution...

So, that's the latest update on my Moh's action.  I actually DID do some mixing this weekend but haven't yet had time to listen to the fruits of my labor.  Oddly, I really feel like my mixing abilities are getting better, although you'd never know it by my release schedule.  Geesh.  Anyhow, I'll be listening to these mixes tonight and then making my usual notes.

In the meantime, the LCD thermostat which runs the house's a/c unit blanked out over the weekend.  So, just get another thermostat, right?  Um...believe it or not, those actually cost as much as buying a new large sized TV...which I also had to buy a few months back after the TV burned out.  Coupled with all of the medical bills now coming in, it's so far been a year of nothing but unexpected nasty bills.

On the plus side, my Savage Schatten amp head finally arrived back to me today, fresh from being worked on by Jeff at Savage Amps in MN.  Here's to hoping that it sounds like I'm expecting, for if not, I might just pull a Van Gogh...and I honestly can't afford to lose another ear.

Pardon Me...But Do You Have a Hole in your Head?!

Today was Moh's procedure #3.  After hearing the doctor talk a bit about which spot we were going to tackle, it quickly dawned on me that I may not even be halfway through yet.  I only have three more appointments scheduled but I'm getting the feeling that I might need 5-6 more and perhaps we just haven't gotten around to scheduling them all yet.

We opted to do one of two spots that are on the front of my head, the ones that are clearly visible to the outside world.  She decided to do the less noticeable of the two simply because it was an older spot versus the newer, more visible one.  A little shocking to me was that the injections hurt way more up there than they did on either the nose or the ear.  I'm still a little confused as to why.

The actual procedure was fairly quick, easy, and uneventful.  Once again, it took 2 passes to get all the cancer out (I'm on a roll with this 2 pass thing), and as always it's the closing of the wound that's the most time consuming and unusual feeling.

Today, though, I had the added bonus of having my ear evaluated, basically what they had worked on last week.  The question had been worrying me all week in regards to whether the graft was taking or not.  I had read some horror stories online and I think I was more or less freaking myself out.  The doctor said today that a graft failing on your ear is fairly rare but then again I tend to have negative "luck" on my side usually.

It turned out that the graft looked good overall.  My doctor likes to say "looks amazing!" when something looks, well, like work that she can be very proud of.  In regards to my ear, though, she said, "It looks really good."  I promptly asked, "So...not amazing?"  She thought about it, hesitated, and then said, "No, it's amazing.  Yes, yes, amazing".  I guess we'll see.

In any event, she removed the bolster or "pumpkin" as she calls it which is basically the small sponge looking thing that was sewn to my ear and basically held the graft in place.  Getting these stitches removed was not the greatest, in fact I'd say this was the worst part so far.  I don't know, maybe I'm just a baby about my ear in general but I was both humming, silently cursing, and most definitely squirming.  When she was done, she said, "Okay, I've removed the graft..."  I think I gulped out loud upon hearing this.  "No, no, sorry, I meant the bolster!  Hah, hah."  Yep, very funny indeed.

Well, 3 down and who knows how many more to go.  It's starting to feel a bit old hat, though, which is kind of scary.  They also said that maybe I can get back to both riding my bike and wearing headphones fairly soon.  Ah, wouldn't that be nice.  Meanwhile, please don't mind the hole in my head.

Does Anyone...???

It occurred to me that I don't know if anyone really uses Blogger.com anymore.  I sort of quickly did a search on a handful of listed blogs and found that literally none of them were still active.  Is it possible that I'm the only one still using this platform?!  Geesh.  I guess it isn't likely, really, but then again I can't find immediate evidence to the contrary.

I find the thinking of using the "latest thing" simply bizarre, to be blunt.  For example, I just did some searching about blog sites, etc., and found that pretty much all of them require you to pay some sort of monthly fees.  Blogger.com is completely free...so why would anyone switch to a paying model?  I guess the thought of being "hip" or "now" is just so overwhelming for most people, however it's a feeling that I rarely get or worry about.

Of course, having said that, no one really reads a word of what I write.  Hmm.  I guess I have a point there and maybe being "hip" isn't such a bad thing.

So, here's a question...where should I be writing blogs and such?  For example, I would like to start a short story blog, basically where I could post once a month a brand new short piece of fiction, not necessarily in any specific genre but more than likely leaning a bit comedic or light hearted.  I'd also like to create the aforementioned "...albums that have shaped me..." blog since I feel like there are quite a few hidden gems that some would find either beneficial or as valuable additions to their own collections.  So, where would potential readers like to see this?  If you happen to know, please contact me for I'm a bit lost.

I have no other news to report.  I'm still in healing mode with my ear, of course, and there's just something about these things that make me want to do absolutely nothing while it's happening.  It's sad, really.  I meant to mix this weekend but I just couldn't get the motivation for it.  I'm so paranoid at this point that the skin graft isn't taking that I'm kind of paralyzed with anxiety from doing anything else.  I guess we'll see how this Wednesday goes, where I'll promptly get a brand new hole in my head.  Can't wait.

Ears, Schmears...

So who needs an ear, right?  Well, someone who, um, plays by ear really needs an ear.  I guess that probably goes without saying but I figured I'd say it anyway, just in case there was any confusion.

Well, my second Moh's procedure on my ear went fairly well.  Luckily, the cancer hadn't dug too terribly deep into my ear so the doctor only had to remove a small amount of cartilage so it hopefully won't be too terribly noticeable.  I initially was pretty freaked out, though, when she showed me how much skin she was going to remove.  She basically circled the entire top portion of my ear...I mean...wow.

It turns out that getting jabbed in the ear isn't as bad as getting jabbed in the nose.  It's odd because when your nose goes numb, you really notice it because even part of the front of your teeth and gums are numb.  When your ear is numb, though, you barely notice it so the feeling isn't quite as strange.  What was a bit unusual, though, was when she was cutting through the cartilage, and the unique squishy sound that makes.  Again, it's a bit unnerving.  Of course, let's not forget the always wonderful cauterization that occurs after they do the cutting, where you get this wonderful smell of burning human flesh, namely your own.  It'll probably come as no surprise but I have found that my flesh being on fire doesn't exactly smell appetizing.

The sewing up of my ear was actually less traumatic than my nose, even with the taking of the skin graft, and so on.  The graft is a bit bizarre because it does pretty much sound like a cheese grater, only you're the cheese.  I have yet to see the actual wound on the side of my head because it's covered up but the bandage is fairly large.  Once the doctor took the graft, she promptly sewed it to the top of my ear and then also literally sewed what looks like a small sponge as well, something she calls "the pumpkin" simply due to the shape of it.  The graft has already turned pretty black, or at least what I can see of it, and my ear is still throbbing off and on.  The pain overall last night once the anesthetic wore off was not quite as bad as it was for my nose so overall I'd say the ear is actually better than the nose, although I now have the added pressure to make sure that the skin graft stays completely dry yet moist with Vaseline or less it might not take.  Oh, what a joy that would be.

If nothing else, this has been quite the experience so far.  It helps a bit that my doctor and crew are fairly jovial so we actually chat through most of these procedures and get a few laughs in.  From here, I just need to lay very low for the next 7 days and hope that everything heals according to plan.  I won't know until my next appointment next Wednesday, when they promptly start mutilating the top of my head.  Ah, what a summer.

Damn Your Eyes!

You may have noticed that I've been rather quiet lately.  This is simply because I've had way too many distractions going on, and whereas I wouldn't say that I haven't been productive at all, I'm not exactly tearing it up either.

First up, my nose...  I got the stitches removed last Wednesday, and whereas I had already seen the wound and what's now considered my "nose" (or new nose, if you will), I was finally able to see pretty much how my nose was healing and what to expect going forward.  She wasn't kidding...my nose does look a bit different and skinnier now.  I'd also dare say that it looks pointier, which isn't really what I was hoping for, but maybe it'll heal a bit differently.  I used to have a great nose, or at least I thought so.  I also noticed that my glasses now sit just ever so slightly in a different manner on the bridge of my nose.  Once the stitches were removed, they basically glued Steri strips over the top of the wound from which I'm to wait until they fall off naturally (which hasn't yet occurred).

We also chatted a bit about my ear which is next up for the Mohs procedure.  Dare I say that it freaks me out a bit.  There's talk of skin grafts, a large bandage literally sewn to my ear for over a week, not being able to shower or get it wet, and so on.  Sounds awful.  Clearly, I won't be sleeping on that side of my body for quite some time let alone wearing headphones.  I also keep worrying that a big chunk of my ear cartilage will now be missing, sort of like a missing jigsaw puzzle piece.

As if my nose and ear worries aren't enough, my eyes have also been freaking out lately.  I think it's this time of year that plays pure havoc on them since in SoCal, along the ocean, we go through what they call "May Gray" and then "June Gloom", just a fancy way of saying that it's basically overcast every single day for at least half the day if not all of it.  Something about the darker skies mixed with how the light hits the house seems to make my eyes on full alert.  I've been pretty paranoid over the past 30 days that something was going on with them.

Last night, my eyes were really showcasing a large floater to a huge degree.  And then, this morning, I awoke to the same hazy blurry vision in my left eye (my so called used to be "good eye") as I've had in my right eye since the whole retinal detachment.  I have a bad feeling that my retina is detaching right now in my left eye.  Not only is this alarming as is but if it's so, well, there's goes my recording week, not to mention apparently I will never see clearly again.  I spent the day trying to get some stuff done and not focusing on my eye issue but it was nearly impossible since the haziness is just absurd.  It was hard enough with one good eye and one bad eye, but now they're both going to be bad eyes?  Ugh.  The only way I can describe what I'm seeing is to imagine a piece of Saran Wrap, about the size of a dime, and having it float quickly back and forth across your eyeballs, coupled maybe with a hair or two in it and a bunch of tiny little dots.  Yep, that's pretty much it.

Of course, today is a holiday so there's clearly no one at the doctor's office.  I guess I'll be calling first thing in the morning to see if I can get in there.  The downside either way is that they'll dialate my eyes and I won't be able to see for hours up close and so I can't really see my being too terribly productive.  However, if there's any hope of not having to get a needle in the eye again, and having to lay on my side for a week straight, I'm all for it but I dare say that my hopes aren't very high.  My gut tells me that they're simply going to tell me to wait until it completely detaches.  Again, awesome.

I hope everyone else has had a pleasant holiday weekend.  Here's to hoping that the retina doctor can somehow help me out tomorrow.

The Nose Knows

I received a phone call yesterday afternoon where the voice on the other end said, "You're in luck!  We had a cancellation tomorrow and so you can come in tomorrow for your first procedure."  The 'first procedure' in question is the first of probably eight Mohs procedures, basically to remove the small skin cancer bumps off of my head and face.  I particularly found the "...you're in luck..." part interesting because I frequently say that I'm the unluckiest person on Earth, meaning I never win anything.  It seems about the only thing I can "win" is an earlier appointment for removing half of my nose.

Well, okay, that's a slight exaggeration, really, but they did want to start with the bump on my nose.  After a series of long discussions on that phone call, most of which I was very reluctant to bump up the appointment date, the doctor herself finally called me and more or less strong armed me into it.  And so, I went to sleep last night with mild anxiety, not sleeping much at all, mentally preparing for this appointment today where they'd start hacking at my nose.

I now sit here typing with an extremely large bandage across my nose and the front of my face.  The numbness wore off about two hours ago and I was slightly shocked to see just how much this wound actually hurt.  I've never had a broken nose but I can only imagine that it feels rather similar.  It kind of feels like someone went over my nose with a large cheese grater about 25 times.  I'm apparently going to have some sort of line on my nose as well, basically the scar, and the doctor also said "your nose will be thinner looking".  I never thought of myself as a fat nosed individual, mind you, but I got her point.  I'm sort of wondering if I'm now going to have a crooked nose, ala Owen Wilson?  It would be cool if it would always point, say, north, or something special like that but that's probably too much to ask.

I also can't decide if I look more like Humphrey Bogart in "Dark Passage", right after the guy breaks his nose in order to have it set in an unrecognizable manner since he's running from the cops, or Marcia Brady just after the football hit her in the face.  Either way, I guess my nose will now be different going forward.  I'm thinking I should have taken more pictures of it along the way.  Heck, I'm already missing my old nose.

I can now also say, not proudly, really, that I've had the experience of multiple needles in my nose and my eye.  Next up, will be the cells on my ear.  Sigh.  Getting old is hell.  Strangely, all I could think about as they were hacking and sewing my nose today was the scene at the end of "Sleeper", where Woody Allen has stolen the leaders nose and is threatening to shoot it with a gun.

On the music front, my mixes from last weekend do in fact sound much better, and I was super pleased to hear that the live basement tracks sound quite wonderful through the stereo.  I think we'll be seeing a release of these fairly soon.  See?  At least there's some good news.  Talk about cutting off your nose to spite your face...

Still Digging

I can't say that I'm yet back in the realm of normal music work but I'm certainly trying.  I did manage to accomplish one of the last big tasks on my "to do" list around the house so hopefully that'll free me up both mentally and literally to focus much more on music creation.  My week off is fast approaching so I need to really get my proverbial sh*t together.  My finger is not doing well so I have a feeling that I will indeed be seeing a hand specialist fairly soon.

I don't want to go off too much on a tangent but I must say that the state of film and television really truly disappoints me.  I'm actually in fear that film in general is slowly being destroyed as a format and this both terrifies me and makes me incredibly sad.  These are very strange days that we're living in, to say the least, and it's sad that even the few things that I really enjoy are being destroyed before my eyes.

Being a bit bored and morbidly curious, I decided to watch the first episode of "Yellowjackets" of which I keep hearing about on commercials and such.  Episode one was free...to lure you in, of course, and I actually really liked it.  I was really glad to see that it didn't have the usual bullsh*t writing that I can't stand in most modern TV series and it actually held my interest.  So, I decided to plunk down the $11 to try a month of Showtime.  Well, wouldn't you know...episode 2 almost immediately made me want to vomit and I don't think I'll be continuing with the show.  How do people a) watch this stuff and b) find it so compelling, especially to "binge" watch?  This is a total mystery to me, much more of a mystery than what apparently "actually happened" out there to the Yellowjackets.  Binge watching in general makes zero sense to me, and might possibly be one of the dumbest things ever, in my opinion.  I mean, if you happen to like something, why burn through it?  Senseless.  Also, I can't help but wonder if this is some new subscription ploy, where the networks are either getting good writers to write the initial episode, just to suck you in, and then revert to the usual silliness, where the B or C strings writers take over and can't seem to understand how actual human dialogue would work in the real world.

Even worse, I decided to try the first episode of Prime's new "Dead Ringers".  I barely made it 10 minutes into it; I actually almost stopped at the opening scene.  Again, why/how do people watch this?!  I'm rather shocked that Rachel Weisz would want to be part of a such a poorly written series.

Lastly, if you need more proof that movies have gone into the toilet completely, I just happened upon a trailer for a film, no joke, called "Winnie the Pooh:  Blood and Honey".  Um...there are no words for this one, and if you haven't already watched the trailer, you simply must, just for the groan factor.  I'll give you a hint...it's a horror movie :)  Yeah, it's supposed to be THAT Winnie the Pooh.  Apparently, this is just what the world needs right now, and angry, axe wielding Winne the Pooh.  And, people ask me why I supposedly waste my time watching old Sherlock Holmes films and such...?

If that's not enough for you, Tommy Wiseau of "The Room" fame (if that's what you call it) has apparently been given another shot at making a movie.  Why?  I have no clue.  The new one is called "Big Shark" and is apparently about a huge land shark attacking New Orleans.  I know - makes you want to run right out and see it, huh?  Sigh.  I think we're doomed (actually, I'm pretty sure of it).

What a Racket

In other news, I made the yearly trip out to Palm Springs for the BNP Paribas Tennis tournament, something I enjoy doing annually.  It ends up being a very long day, getting up around 7:30am and then getting home at 1:30am, but it's usually worth it.  This year was particularly interesting since rain was in the forecast, and as promised, a short rain storm stopped play for about 2 hours on the grounds around 3pm.  The interesting part was that on Stadium 4, where Shapovalov was playing Humbert, the grounds keeper guy brought a bunch of rollers in order to dry off the court and a bunch of people from the stands were so enthusiastic to get back to the match that they jumped out of their seats, grabbed a roller, and promptly started working to dry the court.  Here's a pic of a couple of them in action, and I'm fairly sure this made the news reel:

You'd think that the people running the tournament would have been overjoyed; instead, they were being jokingly critical and showing the fans how to roll the court correctly.  It was rather memorable, to say the least.

Later that night, I also got to see Medvedev and then Giorgi on the big stadium for the evening session, Stadium 1.  It ended up being a very late night, and even though the rain blew about 2 hours plus of time, it'll be a year that I certainly remember well.  The seats were great for Stadium 1, and here's a great shot of Giorgi vs. Pegula (unfortunately Giorgi lost after winning a strong first set):

Ah, DST...  Don't get me started.  I did finally play a bit of guitar today, and it's murder on my left hand after not playing for a couple of weeks.  I realized by looking at the calendar that Memorial Day isn't that far off, and since I plan to start the recording sessions for the new Jazz Machine album during that week, well, I better get my sh*t together.

Brushed

I woke up in a panic around 2am to the sound of a strange whirring sound loudly emanating from apparently the master bathroom sink.  What the hell?!  It is a fairly new faucet but since when do faucets make noise when not on?!  Turning the faucet on/off seemed to do the trick...for about 10 seconds.  Then, it started again.

Everything you buy these days seems to be complete trash.  It was bad enough pre-pandemic; post pandemic has made it feel like you're buying goods from some stranger in a trench coat standing on a street corner.  To make the jab in the crotch even worse, they've upped the price on everything.  Great times.

More whirring, more jiggling, and then I decided to turn the water off at the faucet.  Still whirring.  Wtf?!  Then, I realized that the faucet has 2 separate water lines to turn off.  With both off, I thought I had it...and then more whirring.

It was then that I realized that it was NOT the faucet but my Sonicare Toothbrush which sits directly to the left of the faucet.  Yes, this is what happens when you get woken up at 2am and you're completely out of it.  For whatever reason, the toothbrush, which I probably had about 6-7 years, decided to completely lose it's mind and was turning on and off at random.  Wow.

So, what do you DO about this?  I mean, there's literally only one button on the toothbrush, of which pushing it was doing almost no good, and no port to pull out the battery, etc.  It was a fantastic puzzle to encounter now around 2:20am on a weeknight.  And so, I pondered, trying to figure out what the hell to do.  I came up with 2 poor solutions, climbed back into bed, then thought about it a bit more, then left the bed again and tried a different solution.  This happened 2-3 more times.  Finally, I decided to get a towel, lay it in a storage bin, place the bin in the car's trunk outside, and leave it there overnight, hoping desperately that the toothbrush doesn't overheat and catch fire, or blow up.  It was the only solution I could come up with in a panic that a) didn't make noise that I could hear and b) wouldn't bother the neighbors since you couldn't hear it running with the trunk lid down.  Now, if it DID blow up, well, that probably would annoy the neighbors...but I had run out of ideas.

I got back into bed around 3:30am and, as you may have guessed, was filled with nothing but anxiety at this point, worrying about a stupid toothbrush with no on/off switch.  I tossed and turned for hours but at least I knew the house wasn't on fire and the car hadn't blown up.  I ended up getting about a total of 4 hours sleep that night.  I'm still feeling the residual lethargy.

That's it for me.  I hope life is treating everyone well, and all I can say is beware of those rogue Sonicare's.  I finally ended up hitting that damn thing with a hammer the next day to get the battery out and disconnected.  It almost seems like a good metaphor...for something.

New Year

It's hard to believe that it's 2023.  Sigh.  Where the hell did 2022, let alone 2020 and 2021, go?  They all went by so incredibly fast that it literally scares the living hell out of me.

No news flash here but I've never been a party or a people person so New Year's Eve normally is a time to watch a couple if not a slew of films at home.  This year's choices were the oddly disturbing "Brimstone & Treacle", a film I haven't seen since the mid 80's, and then followed up by "The Ice Storm", a film I literally despised when I saw it in the theater originally but would now rave about.  Both films are rather disturbing, I think, and the end of "The Ice Storm" isn't exactly uplifting, and so 2023 began with tears in my eyes as the film was finishing up.  Now, if that isn't a "me" way of ringing in the new year...well, I don't know what is.

Ironically, I kept hearing rain all through "The Ice Storm" and was mildly impressed with how realistic the sound bar was sounding tonight.  Little did I know that it's actually pouring rain outside, and how appropriate the timing was, as if it was trying to add a bit more ambience to the already heavy mood filled movie.

I'll admit that this week has not gone really according to plan on multiple levels but I have been trying to get a little bit of work done and also relaxation time in.  I'm not sleeping well right now and I'm not sure why, and I've been overall in not the greatest mood either.  I kind of feel like the last 3-4 months finally caught up with me at long last.  I did just discover that Dark Horse Comics released a slew of original "Tales from the Crypt", "Vault of Horror", and "The Haunt of Fear" comics in big bound bundles and so I've been reading some of the latter in the evening which has been quite fun.  I remember buying some of those back in the late 80's when they were reprinted for a short period of time.  I have no idea what happened to those comics that I owned and I fear that my parents, in their infinite wisdom and not so good nature, threw all of them out at some point.  In any event, it's been nice revisiting some of that stuff after all of these years and I'll surely buy more.

In regards to music, I have been working on the "Lost Weekend" remixes and so far they're coming along nicely.  I did a bit of work on the Defrost Nixon album but it was incredibly frustrating so I have yet to return to it.  At the same time, I know that Peele is still struggling with "The Effects of Connection" and we're both experiencing some of the same issues, mainly drum problems.  It'll be interesting to compare how we both deal with these issues in the end and what the final result comes out being.

That's it for now (it's 12:30am) but more in a few days.  Happy New Year everyone and let's hope for a decent 2023!  I think we'd all agree that we sure could use it.

Farewell, Christine

Today we sadly said goodbye to Christine McVie, most notably known for her role in the band Fleetwood Mac.  It seems appropriate that she was born Christine Perfect for I personally think she was a beyond brilliant songwriter, someone that I've really admired for quite a long time.  There has been just a plethora of talent in the Fleetwood Mac catalog over the years, of course, but with the more well known line-up, I've always been slightly annoyed at the fact that Stevie Nicks got most of the attention while Christine seemed to be closer to what I think of as a songwriting genius.  I'll also say that Christine had such a unique singing voice that I really loved.  Stevie had one as well, of course, and she was certainly the sexy part of the band, but Christine always seemed like the anchor and reliable one that would always submit top notch writing.

I couldn't resist digging to find "Future Games" and playing it tonight.  It ended a bit ago and now I'm on to "Bare Trees", the follow-up.  Both albums are considered "weak" and a forgettable point in Fleetwood Mac's early career by many but I really love these two albums, and once again a sincere thank you to my friend CJ for turning me onto them.  I'm not sure that I would have ever ventured there without that necessary yet gentle prodding and I'm forever grateful.

I decided to pull out the Gibson 335 tonight.  I'm not really sure why but it's been in my brain for awhile to dust it off and play it.  The guitar is practically brand new, it's been played so little, but it's nearly 10 years old.  I know, despicable.  Anyhow, I hadn't even touched it in quite awhile and I was beyond tickled by how good it sounds and plays.  The guitar bends like no other instrument I own, or maybe I'm finally just getting the hang of the bending thing.  I will say that guitar and I have clicked on a whole new level over the past couple of years and I'm constantly amazing myself.  I truly believe that if I keep at it that I could actually one day be a decent guitar player (wow).  I have been mentally planning to use the 335 on the new Jazz Machine album, and since I'm going to start playing around with those ideas in a few weeks, it was time to get reacquainted.

Having said that, I'm having incredible issues with my pinky finger on my fingering hand.  The trigger finger has set in now to a point that I basically wake up with a completely stiffened pinky that needs to be massaged for about 5 minutes before it'll even think about bending.  Unlike how my middle finger acted at the crux of my trigger finger issues on it a couple years ago, my pinky can be quite painful when trying to get it to bend.  Getting old sucks, and I wish I could say it's my only issue but alas it isn't.

Wow..."Sentimental Lady" finished just a bit ago.  What a gorgeous song.  It almost brings tears to my eyes.  The other track that I simply adore is the title track from "Future Games".  Pure bliss.  But, not long after came Christine's "Spare Me a Little of Your Love".  Ah, that voice.

Thinking of Baseball

Hah!  I can't help but laugh at that title.  Well, for those of you young 'un's, that phrase used to be a sort of recommendation for, um, a certain 'something', something that used to be recommended to young men specifically (and that's all I'm saying).  In my case, though, the title is really about my lack of any real update, all due to the fact that the San Diego Padres just happened to make it into the Post Season.  And yes, folks, that is my excuse for doing close to nothing on the musical horizon over the past couple of weeks.

I was fortunate to see both a Division series game and an NLCS game, albeit not the "right" one, mind you (meaning they lost).  In any event, baseball fever has overtaken San Diego in general and so all scheduling is right now revolving around the game times.  I even skipped two shows that I was planning on going to.  You can tell that this is serious stuff.

Apart from that, I now have a plan in place for getting a couple tracks mixed, one by Peele and the other by myself.  I'm hoping to have something released online at least in the next 2 months.  In the meantime, I need to somehow get my head back "in the game", as they say.  See what I did there??

Meanwhile, ideas are rattling around in my head, enough that they're beginning to make some real noise.  I have a week off coming up in November and so I simply need to get back to it soon in order to be productive.

On the listening front, one of the albums in my current rotation is Richard and Linda Thompson's "I Want to See the Bright Lights Tonight" CD which I just recently found/acquired, actually based upon Marc Maron mentioning it more than once.  I must say that I'm liking it quite a bit.  Now, see?  That had nothing at all to do with baseball.  Go figure.

Let Them Play the Music

I've taken yet another small break from even the thought of playing music as of late.  It's not exactly intentional; I simply have had no time.  First, I needed to deal with the stereo dilemma, of which I think is finally behind me.  I decided to keep the Outlaw Audio receiver, so therefore I returned the Denon DRA800H and I also just returned the Klipsch RP8000's.  It simply finally hit me that the damn things are way too huge for my studio room, and after extensive tests and flipping back and forth between the two sets of speakers, it slowly became obvious to me.  It's not official as of yet but I do believe that I'm going to keep the Polk R600's for I seem to really like them, and I'd say that they're a small step upward over my old JBL's.  Strangely, Billy Squier's "It Keeps You Rockin'" really sounds the most amazing on the R600's, of all things.  Now, why that's become my standard for good sound...well, I couldn't really tell you.

I will say that flipping between speaker sets is an interesting venture.  It's funny because it takes at least 20 seconds for your ears to adjust, meaning that no matter what speakers you "flip" to they always sound odd and worse than the predecessor initially.  I also learned by process of playing around with it that the critical sound that I wasn't liking was actually coming from the Denon Receiver, not as much from the speakers.  I did lose a little bit of that by going with the Outlaw Audio Receiver, which is a bit of a detriment for mixing and such, but my actual music listening experience will be a bit closer to what it was previously...which is good.  I was actually finding that I didn't want to listen to music as much with the Denon because everything sounded horrible to me.  Now, why exactly so called "audiophiles" want things to sound horrible...well, that's beyond me.

Apart from the stereo decisions, and I will say that it was quite a feat getting the huge Klipsch speakers back down the stairs and packaged up in their boxes (they weigh about 70 lbs. a piece), I actually finally ventured out again to see and hear live music.  First up, I FINALLY made it to the Hollywood Bowl, a venue I've been meaning to go to for literally 30 years but have never made it before.  The show?  Grace Jones...wow.  It was actually a double bill of sorts with Ms. Jones and Chvrches, the latter of which I will say I was fairly impressed with even though it's not exactly my usual sound (lots of strong 2/4 going on in an electronic vein).  Seeing Grace was amazing, though, and the most frequently heard comment was "...can you believe she's 74 years old...?"  No, actually I cannot whatsoever.  I mean, the woman shows almost no signs at all physically of aging, not in her looks, movements, etc.  Simply remarkable.

The Bowl is definitely a venue to visit, I will say.  It's not only historical and quite stunning to be at but the sound was also wonderful.  They built that venue in a truly amazing fashion, putting great care into the sightlines of each tier, etc.  The slope on the back of the venue as the seating rises up the hill is beyond words since the last row of seats is so incredibly high into the air (on the hillside) that it's hard to comprehend what you're looking at from down below.  And then, strangely, you feel like you're in the middle of nowhere...and yet you're smack just north of super busy and crowded Hollywood.  If you've never been there and you have an interest in such things, I'd definitely put it on your list.  I was also amazed by how easy it was to do a Park and Ride shuttle to get in and out of there, and so on.  Getting out was a bit more convoluted but getting in was super simple...and cheap!

Two days later, I went to my favorite local venue, the Belly Up Tavern, to see Cate Le Bon.  It was another great performance, completely different from the Grace Jones show 2 days earlier, of course.  Cate has a great stage presence and setup on stage with her band, and I must say that the show was even better than I had expected.  Cate's latest album "Pompeii" comes highly recommended from me.

I'm hoping to get back into the musical swing of things fairly soon.  I've had lots of ideas rolling around in my head so I've just been waiting for the time to actually act upon them.  More soon, hopefully.