Another Hole in the Head

My appointment this week actually went fairly well, although I wouldn't say that it was at all without pain.  I went into this one completely paranoid beyond belief that the graft was falling off my ear, and quite frankly this was making me incredibly anxious, upset, and downright angry.  Looking back on this, I had a complete right to feel these things based on the information that I was given.  I had asked if it was normal that an outer layer of skin on the graft would fall off, exposing a fairly red and irritated looking skin underneath, and told 'no', that it wasn't normal whatsoever.  You can probably see how this whole tornado began inside my mind.  I also looked at pictures online of other people's reported ear graft situations and none of them look even remotely like mine.

In any event, upon arriving at my appointment, in a much worse mood than normal, they looked at my ear and the doctor promptly said, "No, that looks fine.  It's just healing".  I was a bit dumbfounded at first but after more conversation, etc., I realized that if nothing else my worries had been in vain, and actually I was okay with that if I didn't have to go through another graft and so on.  This is partially what you get from looking at the internet (never trust the internet...I swear).

Of course, before I could even really digest this news, I was being jabbed with needles in the back of my head and, before I knew it, yet another chunk of scalp was removed.  This time around, I finally got a 3 passer (hooray for me!  Well, not really), meaning it took 3 passes to get all of the cancer out.  I really don't mind the passes that much except for the extended time it takes since by then you're already numb and the actual passes themselves are fairly quick.  I will say, though, that something about this place on my head made me feel more pain than I normally do, and it seemed like the doctor was having a hard time getting me fully numbed.  Another thing I noted was a very disturbing squishy noise which I can only imagine was my skin being...well...I don't know...something'd.  I was too afraid to ask and frankly didn't really want to know.

I never look forward to the closing of the surgery spot and I thought this one in particular would be really horrific.  Surprisingly, it seemed to go faster than the others.  I guess you just never really know what to expect in these procedures OR dare I say I'm getting used it, which is a bit frightening, if so.  Next thing I knew, I was out the door and driving home yet again after 5pm, whereas I arrived at 1pm.

I was told once that I'd get a pretty bad headache from this procedure.  What I actually got instead, though, was more like the feeling of being hit over the head very hard with a hammer.  I'm not sure how some patients call this a "headache" because to me a headache is a very specific thing, and having been hit in the head with a baseball and other various objects over the years I've never equated that unique feeling with having a headache.  Needless to say, my head started pounding unbelievably in the middle of the night, waking me up, and leaving me to where there was no possible position on the pillow where I wasn't feeling some sort of pain from one of my many wounds.

Two days later, the "hammer" feeling is still there but has at least gone down to something more manageable.  Today, I got my stitches out on the front of my head, basically the area I had done the previous week, and so I'm slowly starting to look a bit more presentable.  I'm actually starting to feel a little less paranoid about my ear but it still looks pretty horrendous, and I wouldn't wish the visual of it upon anyone.  The few times I have been out of the house in public, I do what I can to kind of keep it hidden although that's fairly impossible.

I also got a special "bonus" at my appointment this week.  One of my cats had given me a very loving head butt the day before directly to my nose...you know, the area that's still healing...and I promptly let out a yelp because I was shocked at how much it hurt.  Then, I noticed blood dripping downward and so I brought it up to the doctor towards the end of the appointment.  She unfortunately dived right in, well, literally, and started poking at the wound over and over from which I was literally screaming and had tears running down the side of my eyes just slightly.  It was incredible how much this hurt.  They always say that love hurts and I had to have a talk with my cat once I got home.

We're of course going into a holiday weekend in which I thankfully have 4 days off.  I was slightly afraid that it would be fruitless due to this latest set of wounds but I actually think I might be okay.  Here's to hoping, and with some luck I'll get back to music.  In the meantime, everyone please keep their digits intact, and for crying out loud don't shoot a gun at the sky for the bullet always lands somewhere.  Happy 4th!

Oh, It's You Again

Oh!  Hey!  It's me again, the guy with one ear.  Remember?

Okay, I'll admit that's a bit of an exaggeration, but I will honestly say that this ear thing is real cr*p, at least in my opinion.  It'll now be 2 weeks tomorrow since my surgery and today I found a rather strange occurrence, where it looked like part of the thin outer skin layer of the graft came off on a Q-Tip when I was cleaning it.  Of course, I panicked as all get out and went into a mild tizzy.  It's nearly impossible to really see one of your own ears and so I took picture after picture on my phone, trying to get a glimpse.  Needless to say, taking a picture of your own ear isn't much better than trying to see your own ear, and so this took probably 30 minutes to an hour to actually accomplish.

I then called the doctor's office; they were out to lunch still.  This gave me a whole 'nother half hour to panic blindly, taking pictures, looking at it obsessively in the mirror, etc.  When I finally got through to the doctor's office, her assistant had a mild tone of "...oh...this guy again..."  I emailed the photos and she promptly called me back saying that it was probably just a small chunk of skin that came off, to keep it lubricated, and they'd look at it closer tomorrow.

Yes, tomorrow...in which I get yet another hole in my head, this time on the back of my head.  I'm convinced that fairly soon I won't be able to sleep at all since every corner of my head and face will have something that can't touch a pillow.  I guess I need to find a way to sleep on air.  Yes, yes, that's the solution...

So, that's the latest update on my Moh's action.  I actually DID do some mixing this weekend but haven't yet had time to listen to the fruits of my labor.  Oddly, I really feel like my mixing abilities are getting better, although you'd never know it by my release schedule.  Geesh.  Anyhow, I'll be listening to these mixes tonight and then making my usual notes.

In the meantime, the LCD thermostat which runs the house's a/c unit blanked out over the weekend.  So, just get another thermostat, right?  Um...believe it or not, those actually cost as much as buying a new large sized TV...which I also had to buy a few months back after the TV burned out.  Coupled with all of the medical bills now coming in, it's so far been a year of nothing but unexpected nasty bills.

On the plus side, my Savage Schatten amp head finally arrived back to me today, fresh from being worked on by Jeff at Savage Amps in MN.  Here's to hoping that it sounds like I'm expecting, for if not, I might just pull a Van Gogh...and I honestly can't afford to lose another ear.

Pardon Me...But Do You Have a Hole in your Head?!

Today was Moh's procedure #3.  After hearing the doctor talk a bit about which spot we were going to tackle, it quickly dawned on me that I may not even be halfway through yet.  I only have three more appointments scheduled but I'm getting the feeling that I might need 5-6 more and perhaps we just haven't gotten around to scheduling them all yet.

We opted to do one of two spots that are on the front of my head, the ones that are clearly visible to the outside world.  She decided to do the less noticeable of the two simply because it was an older spot versus the newer, more visible one.  A little shocking to me was that the injections hurt way more up there than they did on either the nose or the ear.  I'm still a little confused as to why.

The actual procedure was fairly quick, easy, and uneventful.  Once again, it took 2 passes to get all the cancer out (I'm on a roll with this 2 pass thing), and as always it's the closing of the wound that's the most time consuming and unusual feeling.

Today, though, I had the added bonus of having my ear evaluated, basically what they had worked on last week.  The question had been worrying me all week in regards to whether the graft was taking or not.  I had read some horror stories online and I think I was more or less freaking myself out.  The doctor said today that a graft failing on your ear is fairly rare but then again I tend to have negative "luck" on my side usually.

It turned out that the graft looked good overall.  My doctor likes to say "looks amazing!" when something looks, well, like work that she can be very proud of.  In regards to my ear, though, she said, "It looks really good."  I promptly asked, "So...not amazing?"  She thought about it, hesitated, and then said, "No, it's amazing.  Yes, yes, amazing".  I guess we'll see.

In any event, she removed the bolster or "pumpkin" as she calls it which is basically the small sponge looking thing that was sewn to my ear and basically held the graft in place.  Getting these stitches removed was not the greatest, in fact I'd say this was the worst part so far.  I don't know, maybe I'm just a baby about my ear in general but I was both humming, silently cursing, and most definitely squirming.  When she was done, she said, "Okay, I've removed the graft..."  I think I gulped out loud upon hearing this.  "No, no, sorry, I meant the bolster!  Hah, hah."  Yep, very funny indeed.

Well, 3 down and who knows how many more to go.  It's starting to feel a bit old hat, though, which is kind of scary.  They also said that maybe I can get back to both riding my bike and wearing headphones fairly soon.  Ah, wouldn't that be nice.  Meanwhile, please don't mind the hole in my head.

Does Anyone...???

It occurred to me that I don't know if anyone really uses Blogger.com anymore.  I sort of quickly did a search on a handful of listed blogs and found that literally none of them were still active.  Is it possible that I'm the only one still using this platform?!  Geesh.  I guess it isn't likely, really, but then again I can't find immediate evidence to the contrary.

I find the thinking of using the "latest thing" simply bizarre, to be blunt.  For example, I just did some searching about blog sites, etc., and found that pretty much all of them require you to pay some sort of monthly fees.  Blogger.com is completely free...so why would anyone switch to a paying model?  I guess the thought of being "hip" or "now" is just so overwhelming for most people, however it's a feeling that I rarely get or worry about.

Of course, having said that, no one really reads a word of what I write.  Hmm.  I guess I have a point there and maybe being "hip" isn't such a bad thing.

So, here's a question...where should I be writing blogs and such?  For example, I would like to start a short story blog, basically where I could post once a month a brand new short piece of fiction, not necessarily in any specific genre but more than likely leaning a bit comedic or light hearted.  I'd also like to create the aforementioned "...albums that have shaped me..." blog since I feel like there are quite a few hidden gems that some would find either beneficial or as valuable additions to their own collections.  So, where would potential readers like to see this?  If you happen to know, please contact me for I'm a bit lost.

I have no other news to report.  I'm still in healing mode with my ear, of course, and there's just something about these things that make me want to do absolutely nothing while it's happening.  It's sad, really.  I meant to mix this weekend but I just couldn't get the motivation for it.  I'm so paranoid at this point that the skin graft isn't taking that I'm kind of paralyzed with anxiety from doing anything else.  I guess we'll see how this Wednesday goes, where I'll promptly get a brand new hole in my head.  Can't wait.

Ears, Schmears...

So who needs an ear, right?  Well, someone who, um, plays by ear really needs an ear.  I guess that probably goes without saying but I figured I'd say it anyway, just in case there was any confusion.

Well, my second Moh's procedure on my ear went fairly well.  Luckily, the cancer hadn't dug too terribly deep into my ear so the doctor only had to remove a small amount of cartilage so it hopefully won't be too terribly noticeable.  I initially was pretty freaked out, though, when she showed me how much skin she was going to remove.  She basically circled the entire top portion of my ear...I mean...wow.

It turns out that getting jabbed in the ear isn't as bad as getting jabbed in the nose.  It's odd because when your nose goes numb, you really notice it because even part of the front of your teeth and gums are numb.  When your ear is numb, though, you barely notice it so the feeling isn't quite as strange.  What was a bit unusual, though, was when she was cutting through the cartilage, and the unique squishy sound that makes.  Again, it's a bit unnerving.  Of course, let's not forget the always wonderful cauterization that occurs after they do the cutting, where you get this wonderful smell of burning human flesh, namely your own.  It'll probably come as no surprise but I have found that my flesh being on fire doesn't exactly smell appetizing.

The sewing up of my ear was actually less traumatic than my nose, even with the taking of the skin graft, and so on.  The graft is a bit bizarre because it does pretty much sound like a cheese grater, only you're the cheese.  I have yet to see the actual wound on the side of my head because it's covered up but the bandage is fairly large.  Once the doctor took the graft, she promptly sewed it to the top of my ear and then also literally sewed what looks like a small sponge as well, something she calls "the pumpkin" simply due to the shape of it.  The graft has already turned pretty black, or at least what I can see of it, and my ear is still throbbing off and on.  The pain overall last night once the anesthetic wore off was not quite as bad as it was for my nose so overall I'd say the ear is actually better than the nose, although I now have the added pressure to make sure that the skin graft stays completely dry yet moist with Vaseline or less it might not take.  Oh, what a joy that would be.

If nothing else, this has been quite the experience so far.  It helps a bit that my doctor and crew are fairly jovial so we actually chat through most of these procedures and get a few laughs in.  From here, I just need to lay very low for the next 7 days and hope that everything heals according to plan.  I won't know until my next appointment next Wednesday, when they promptly start mutilating the top of my head.  Ah, what a summer.