2 Minute Movie Reviews

I'm going to try out this new format, something that more or less mirrors the stripped down format of reviews that you find from the critics on popular web engines and such. It's been a bit of a dilemma since I still really enjoy writing reviews but no one really seems to read them, especially in this age of hustle and bustle. I can only imagine that if "War and Peace" was written today, the publishers would ask Tolstoy to cut it down by 500 pages to appease our ADD society. It's a good thing he wrote the novel back then. Sigh.


In Theaters Now:

"True Grit" - 3 (out of 5) stars - "A handsomely crafted remake by the Coen brothers which captures an essence of the novel that wasn't present in the original. A nearly great film, it only suffers from an occasional glitch here and there. Bridges' and Steinfeld's performances are worth the watch alone."

"Black Swan" - 4 stars - "Yet another stripped down fantastic work from Darren Aronofsky. Much in the same vein as "The Wrestler", the film captures the seldom viewed behind the scenes look of an art form in a haunting fashion. Portman is perfectly cast as the inner tortured Nina Sayers."


On DVD:

"I'm Still Here" - 1 star - "One can only ask what the point of this film is. In thinking that the film is real, it's painful at best; in knowing the film is a hoax, it's completely worthless. This is simply a waste of time and makes you wish he wasn't still there."

"Bug" - 3 stars - "A true head scratcher of a film. Mildly disturbing, very cynical, and a film that more or less gets under your skin. Both Ashley Judd and Michael Shannon are so incredibly convincing throughout the film that their paranoia seems to drift out of the screen onto the audience, making you want to itch as well."

McCrappe!

I think I had one of the worst coffees ever today. I saw an ad on TV yesterday for $1 McCafe drinks at McDonalds until December 5th and figured I’d give them another chance. I had tried a mocha at one of the ten million fast food chain’s establishments previously and was rather disappointed (but not surprised) to find that it was simply a hot chocolate with a spot of bad coffee in the middle of it. I’m not entirely sure but I may have even tried another one at a later date, just in case the first one was “off”. Well, it wasn’t. I figured for a dollar, though, how can you go wrong, right?

This time around I opted for a latte. I was shocked to be asked, “What flavor would you like?” Huh? Flavor? Since when is a “latte” flavored? Oh boy, here we go. After the cashier read off my list of countless options, I simply chose one blindly, just to be done with the disturbing question altogether. I chose hazelnut.

One thing I can’t stand about McDonald’s McCafe drinks is that the freakin’ drink hole on the lid is about 5 times larger than anything you’d ever get at Caribou, Starbucks, etc. I think perhaps it goes hand in hand with their trademark large diameter straws that you can basically suck up large pearl sized tapioca balls with. The issue with the drink hole on the coffee is that it’s absolutely puzzling what to do with it. If you attempt to put your mouth around it, you’re basically drinking a beverage with your jaw hanging downward and your mouth agape. If you opt instead to just press your lips to it, you’re sure to burn the sides of your mouth, that is, unless you’ve been gifted with an incredibly large mouth. Perhaps the inventors of McDonalds were gifted in that fashion...that might explain it. Either way, the drink hole is downright disturbing, especially since it’s in a rather clunky square shape. Do you know anyone with a square mouth? Okay, let’s avoid that question altogether.

The cashier basically turned around and started assembling my beverage herself. This was starting to seem like a really bad idea more and more so. Now, keep in mind that I ordered a “latte”, a drink normally made with frothed milk and espresso. It’s really scary when the entire beverage can be assembled from one machine…by pressing simply one button. That’s right, there’s no espresso maker, no frothing machine, no nothing of the sort. Simply one button does it all on the same machine that dispenses countless other beverages. Yikes!

Well, how about the taste, right? I had to dig for the coffee in my drink and I’m pretty convinced that it wasn’t in there at all. All I could taste was sugar, like pretty much anything else McDonald’s makes (heck, even the salads have sugar in them), and then some bad hazelnut flavoring. The top of the drink was frothy, mind you, but not “froth”. Heck, let’s be honest: this wasn’t a latte at all. It was a bad flavored hot chocolate in coffee’s clothing.

Yes, I may have only spent $1 but surely I received nothing worth more than 1 cent. And so, a couple hours later, I ventured out to Caribou and received the real deal. Ah…the sound of real froth!

I applaud McDonald’s for trying to venture out and entice people with their $1 trial but seriously, folks, let’s just keep coffee where it belongs…in a coffee shop. Give it up, McDonald’s. I beg of you. Stick to what you do best…roping in small children at a young age and getting them hooked on excess sugar so that they get addicted enough to keep returning as they get older. Clowns shouldn't make coffee, plain and simple.

Have It Your Out of Control Way

My “beef” for today is Burger King’s ad campaign “Have It Your Way”. At first glance and thought, it seems rather nifty, I think. It suggests to consumers that they have some sort of power over their orders, and that both the customer and the fast food chain itself more or less partner in order to bring a particular fast food meal to your dinner table. I think it also insinuates that every order is unique, sort of like a fingerprint. That might be stretching the truth a bit but, hey, that’s advertising for you.

I did some mild research and learned that the “Have It Your Way” campaign originally was released in the 1970’s. From what I read, everyone alive during that era still clearly remembers the campaign…except me. I don’t recall it at all, but then again, we always ate at McDonalds. Burger King has evidently tried a few other campaign slogans over the years to no real avail and word on the street was that they wished to return to their most memorable and successful campaign, the lovely “Have It Your Way”. My question is whether that’s the real reason behind the move. Read on…

Now, don’t get me wrong: I like Burger King. As a vegetarian, they’re the only major fast food burger place that I know of that took the chance on the veggie burger and it seems to still be running strong. It’s also pretty reasonably priced and I don’t think I’ve ever spent more than five dollars on any particular meal.

What I don’t like, though, is that it took me awhile to understand how to order. I’ll be honest…the Burger King veggie burgers aren’t exactly the best tasting veggie burgers out there, but having said that, they’re still decent. The strange part, though, was that the first few times I ordered one, it was plain as hell. It took me awhile to understand what exactly was wrong with it, and then one day it hit me…there really wasn’t much on it!

The next time I went through the drive through, I tried a different tactic. “I’d like a BK Veggie Burger….with tomatoes, pickles, and onions,” I said loudly into the drive through loudspeaker. When I got back to the office, sure enough, the burger was nearly twice as high as my previous ones and definitely was much more satisfying, like, um, a burger.

It seems to me that “Have It Your Way” might just be a ploy. Unless you ask for specific items, they simply don’t give them to you. Am I the only one that finds this weird? Whatever happened to “I’d like a burger…without pickles, please”? The formula has always been, as long as I can remember, that you order things WITHOUT specific items, if you don’t want them. When did this change to you simply don’t get them? Ah ha! Now we’re getting somewhere! Could this maybe be some sort of cost savings trick rather than consumer empowerment? How many pickles do you think people forget to order a year, and therefore how much money does that save? These are questions that I’d like to know the answers to. Yes, scary, I know, but this is just one of the 10 million dumb questions that rattle around my brain on a daily basis.

I realize that I’m a bit of an extremist but I don’t even really understand the necessity of having things “your way”. Unless someone has a dietary need or something similar, why can’t you just have it the way that’s recommended? It seems, in a rather strange way, not that unlike ordering a gourmet meal and then, right in front of the chef, asking for salt. I’ve never understood people who order things in this manner: “I’d like a hamburger with no pickles, no onions, just a little bit of lettuce, ketchup on the side….” Even better, the specific coffee customer who needs it just right: “Skim milk, a dash of cinnamon, no ice, with a flavor shot of…” This isn’t a dietary need; can you say high maintenance?! I mean, if you need your food this specific, why not just jump over the counter and make it yourself! That’s kind of what you’re doing anyway, isn’t it? Yes, it’s sad, but this is what American society has become, and then we congratulate one another for it. It’s rather puzzling.

“Have It Your Way” isn’t just a slogan for Burger King; it’s basically the slogan of our way of life these days. It’s unfortunate that it doesn’t spill over into things that are more important, like our government, Wall Street, and so on. But hey, at least I can get 2% milk in my latte…

Efterklang’in in my Head

My favorite album right now is the new release from the Denmark band Efterklang called “Magic Chairs”. We happened to see them live about a month ago at the Walker Art Center in Minneapolis, sort of by chance. The show was opened by the duo Buke and Gass which I had heard previously on the NPR program Radiolab, one of my personal fav’s. After hearing them on the radio, since they were so incredibly enticing and inventive, I immediately looked at their upcoming shows list on their webpage. When I saw that they would be at the Walker, I knew I’d be going one way or the other. I was slightly disappointed, on first glance, to see that they were only opening the show and I more or less figured that I could probably sit through the following band (Efterklang), regardless of what I thought of them.

In a very not me sort of way, I did little to no research on Efterklang prior to the performance. Usually, I’d get myself mildly acquainted with the sound of a band that I’ve not heard before, and normally get some sort of idea as to what they look like, etc. I did do a very brief web search on Efterklang but couldn’t find the results that I had hoped for so I just gave up and decided to wing it.

Buke and Gass were as expected the night of the show. In my eyes, at least, they’re extremely fresh sounding, unique, and have a life of their own that just grips me in a special sort of way. As a songwriter/musician myself, I was often taking mental notes while they played and often times wishing that I’d come up with something as inventive as their music. They played for just a little under an hour and I promptly purchased both of their CD’s at the merchandise stand afterwards.

And so, onward to Efterklang, this band I knew virtually nothing about. I really had no idea what to expect but figured, since they were paired up with Buke and Gass, that they would be at least somewhat similar. When the band came onto the stage for the performance, I was, well, quite dumbfounded. First off, there were a lot of members in the band, somewhere around eight total, which was a bit more than I was used to seeing. The thing that really threw me off was that they were set up on the stage in a very reminiscent manner not unlike some of the new wave videos I recall from the early 80’s on MTV, such as like the bands Real Life, the Human League, Spandau Ballet, etc. It was kind of odd. Of all the hundreds of shows I’ve seen, I’ve never seen anyone setup in this manner…ever. To make it even weirder, both the singer/front man and the bass player were dressed as if it was actually 1981, both with mustaches and shirts that looked to have time warped from that very year. The singer wore a neon green sort of sleeveless shirt, something I haven’t seen for literally 20 years. It kind of made me uncomfortable, to be frank.

Needless to say, I was completely thrown off. Then, the music began, and they opened with the track “Full Moon” which completely sounded like a new wave ripoff. I was like, are you kidding me? You pair Buke and Gass, this extremely fresh and sort of aggressively gripping duo with a new wave knock off? I couldn’t believe it. As someone who really more or less despises when “new bands” simply remake the past, especially the 80’s, having lived through that era, can you say instant turn off? Don’t get me wrong, now. The 80’s new wave era was fine…in the 80’s, but why the heck would you want to redo this, or better yet relive it? I at least have no interest, let’s put it that way.

And so, Efterklang and I totally began on the wrong footing. I was ready to leave after about 2 songs. I felt almost insulted having to sit there and listen to them. The fact that my significant other, who sort of never really grew out of the 80’s new wave era, was totally digging them made it even worse. It was just what I didn’t need. Ugh.

Gradually, as Efterklang played through their set, the music was widening and I was just starting to hear a bit more in their work. It was just about that time that the lead vocalist did this thing called “the test”, where he wanted everyone to stand up, put their arms out, and measure the length of their arms or something ridiculous like that, which ultimately led into some non-amusing joke. As someone who simply despises audience participation let alone something as stupid as this, can you say total mega turn off?! It seemed in the cards that Efterklang and I would leave the performance hating one another.

And then a little more than half way through the show, they started playing songs that were just, well, interesting. I started watching various members of the band more closely and couldn’t help but admire how tightly they played together. This was a band that was really tight, as musicians say, and played effortlessly in a sort of unison that you don’t see that often. Each band member was really into it, too. I also couldn’t help but admire the wide range of instruments used, like violin, trumpet, etc.

The song that started to win me over was “Raincoats”, where the band began by doing this clapping in unison thing that reminded me of the Pat Metheny Group performing “The First Circle”. It was really quite amazing to watch and all the band members were really into it in a way that showed true passion. It was hard not to be moved by it. I started thinking to myself, okay, maybe they’re not soooo bad after all.

Towards the end, they played their newest single, more or less, called “Modern Drift”. I couldn’t help but admire the unique pop sensibility of it. It was like nothing else I had ever heard and yet extremely catchy…but not annoying at all. The bass riff in the refrain, as simple as it was, was totally brilliant.

They ended with “Mirror Mirror” which completely blew me away, although I was trying not to show it. What a fabulous song: emotional, haunting, and unique. Efterklang’s usage of harmonies and background chants is simply fabulous, especially with a female voice added. The ending of the song was extended and they did a kind of acapella end to allow the entire band to slowly move off of the stage and then into the audience. It was kind of jaw dropping. Again, I’ve never seen anything like it, although I didn’t want to immediately admit that out loud.
And so, we purchased “Magic Chairs” on the way out of the show. I decided to give it just one listen, fully expecting to hate it. Well, I didn’t hate it, and after many listens now…I can’t help but love the album. It’s quite simply phenomenal.

This is a fine example of how a band has to win over its’ audience members. I began by despising everything about them and have now become a fan. What can I say? My hat is off to you, Efterklang! I’m now a believer! My only advice is to drop the “test”…seriously…
Go grab a copy of “Magic Chairs” and give it a listen. It’s quite possibly one of the best albums I’ve heard all year.

Bruegger Bruiser

We’re living in a rather bizarre age. We’re slowing moving from a time of super sizing everything to now super shrinking, cutting back, and so on. Ironically, though, the prices aren’t shrinking and they’re instead going up. Yes, that’s correct; we’re getting less and paying more. Are you feeling and hating it yet?

Don’t get me wrong… I’m all for getting rid of super sizing and of excessive gluttony (or is that redundant? Probably). We Americans do consume way too much and, because of it, we’re also one of the fattest nations in the world. One way or another, though, we’re paying for it. I do have a problem, however, when companies cut back on things to a bizarre standpoint, or they simply decide to both raise their prices while giving less.

One of the establishments that seems to be sticking it to consumers is Bruegger’s Bagel Company. One thing that I’ve always taken issue with in Minnesota is how the better business seems to fail while the lesser wins. A great example is how Einstein Bros. Bagel Company, of which I think, offers a superior product to Bruegger’s, has closed many of their Twin Cities locations, leaving only a handful of shops here and there. Why and how does this happen? It seems that Minnesotans are excessive creatures of habit and simply keep visiting the place they’ve always visited, regardless of actual product quality. This just doesn’t make any sense to me but I’ve learned to live with it on some level. In the meantime, though, we’re stuck with lesser quality.

Before I go any further, I need to call out “my” Bruegger’s, near my workplace, which is located on 2233 Energy Park Dr., Suite 100, in St. Paul. I need to draw a line and say that maybe…just maybe…all Bruegger’s aren’t completely terrible and perhaps it’s only this one. In any event, this particular Bruegger’s is beyond ridiculous and my experiences there have been close to infuriating.

First off, don’t ever order a coffee past 11am. If you do, it’ll be cold…and I mean cold, as in feeling like it’s right out of the refrigerator. This has happened to me twice so it wasn’t simply a fluke. Yeah, sure, I can take it back to work and heat it in the microwave but this is pretty much sacrilegious to any real coffee drinker. I’ve heard the argument that Bruegger’s only brews their coffee in the morning and then it’s kept warm in carafes throughout the day, and by afternoon it’s bound to be cold. If this is true, then why are they selling it? Can’t they at least warn the customer first? No, sorry, this just isn’t right on any level…unless, of course, you’re ordering iced coffee intentionally.

Even worse, I’ve ordered at least four bagels with cream cheese on four separate occasions. Each time, I take it back to the office, unwrap it, and find that there’s literally no cream cheese. Instead, it’s been spread on the bagel like a fine layer of butter. I’ve never seen this in my life from any bagel company. I mean, really?! Have you seen the pictures of bagels with cream cheese on the Bruegger’s website? Yeah, that’s a joke for us consumers, I think, so that we can only dream about actually tasting the cream cheese on the bagel. On one occasion, I actually thought they forgot to put the cream cheese on altogether, and that’s just how lightly it was spread on it. You literally needed a magnifying glass to see it.

And then there’s the price: $2.19 per bagel with cream cheese. Huh? What happened to the $1.59 price that I was accustomed to? How can you justify over two dollars for one lousy bagel with barely any visible cream cheese? I even questioned one of the coworkers on the price and the response I received was basically that it was a great price. Hmm.

Have you had a Brueggaccino, by any chance? I had a coupon for one once so I tried it. It was actually fairly tasty, well put together, refreshing, etc. I then ordered one awhile later and was asked, “Would you like regular or mocha?” I thought about it momentarily until I noticed that the “regular” one is $3.59, which is bad enough in my opinion for a non-coffee specialty shop, but the mocha, for the same size, was $4.09. Huh? And so, just last week I finally asked, “Why do you charge fifty cents more for the mocha?” The employee looked at me dumbfounded, couldn’t think of an answer, and then opted to get the manager. When he arrived, I had to ask my question again. The manager thought about it for a couple seconds and then said, “Well, it’s because I have to add chocolate to it.” He almost said it like it was a given, or like, “…duh…”.

Okay, now, correct me if I’m wrong, but doesn’t the “regular” have flavor in it too? I mean, do you go to an ice cream shop and pay fifty cents more per scoop of chocolate ice cream versus vanilla, just because it has chocolate in it? This is the justification for an extra fifty cents? You’re kidding, right?! Call me crazy but I’m just not following the logic here and I can’t help but feel that Bruegger’s is assuming that all of their customers are total idiots and won’t notice or question it. And so, my question is this…does anyone actually ever order the mocha for fifty cents more, and if not, shouldn’t that be giving Bruegger’s the hint?! Maybe I’m alone on this, who knows.

As consumers, we need to start standing up for ourselves and not be pushed around by businesses. It’s time to simply take our business elsewhere. All I can say is bring back Einstein’s…at least their stores are cuter and more enjoyable, even if the prices aren’t. As for Bruegger’s, I think I’ll start purposefully driving 5-10 miles out of my way to a different establishment so that I can actually enjoy some cream cheese.

Natalie Merchant Really Gets It Right...

I had the pleasure of seeing Natalie Merchant at the O’Shaughnessy in St. Paul on July 24th, 2010. Let me say up front that I’ve never been a big fan of Merchant’s solo work. My liking and support of her goes back mostly to her 10,000 Maniacs days, and to a time about 20+ years ago when I saw that band open up for Squeeze at a little theater in Mesa, AZ. It was a night that still sticks out in my mind, where that band completely won me over and made my jaw drop to the floor in a rather embarrassing manner.

I’ve always been a bit disappointed in her solo works. Due to this, I’ve been rather taken aback by my reaction to her new album, “Leave Your Sleep”, a two disc album comprised of 19th and 20th century British and American poetry adapted to music, fully equipped with a lovely booklet. You see, I’ve completely fallen head over heels in love with this album and think it’s quite frankly one of the best albums of 2010.

“Leave Your Sleep” is an example of the kind of work that I think Merchant should have always been doing. It’s an adventurous album, a journey of sorts, that’s both magical, enchanting, stimulating, and quite fun. A wide array of instruments were used with musical styles ranging from folk to jazz to even a bit of Celtic flair. It’s an album like no other that I’ve ever heard.

When I heard that she would be in town in support of the album, I knew I had to be there. It took a bit of searching but I finally landed a 3rd row Pit seat through Ticketmaster. As I always say, I usually don’t go to shows unless I’m in the first 10 rows. In my viewpoint, the show had one of two ways of playing out: she would either completely focus on the new material and then maybe play some of her hits for the encore, or she’d intersperse her catalog of songs together which, I think at least, would be rather weird and awkward. I of course had my fingers crossed for the former.

In typical me fashion, for one reason or another, I ended up running late to the show. I purposefully try not to get to shows too early because about 50% of the time I go alone and I hate sitting there in silence for a long time, twiddling my thumbs and such. So, I try to nonchalantly arrive about 15 minutes early, but on this particular evening, time somehow got away from me.

To make matters worse, I’ve never been to the O’Shaughnessy and so I wasn’t exactly sure where I was going. I was afraid I’d be caught in late-comer traffic; to my surprise, there was none. Instead, upon searching for the entrance gate that was listed on the map from the website, I was greeted with a summertime MN original…road construction! I found the gate sign but it was smack in the middle of two torn up entrances and roads, literally just a couple feet from one another. Both looked like something you wouldn’t normally drive down, consisting of dirt and stones, and there was a visible huge pile of dirt and concrete up ahead. It was completely confusing. Which was the real entrance?! Even funnier, as I was approaching from the north, an SUV was approaching from the south and we were both stopped, confused, looking at one another, trying to figure out which way to go. Being impatient, I just chose a road. The SUV promptly followed me.

About 10 seconds later, I realized I was in maybe the rectory’s parking lot? I don’t know. I spun around as the SUV came up behind me, confused as to where I was leading them. We both exited and then tried the other road, both of us parking in different rows of the lot.

It was now about 3 minutes to show time. I obviously wanted to get to the theater as quickly as possible but where the heck was it?! Just like the parking lot fiasco, there were no signs at all, nothing visible that looked like a theater, and so I was completely confused. I started making my way across the parking lot and ended up by my SUV friends, a young couple that seemed to be as lost as I was. The guy came up to me and asked, “Hey, do you know where the O’Shaughnessy is?”

I looked at him with a faint smile. “You’re asking me?! I lead you into the wrong parking lot!” We both laughed. At least we weren’t alone in our confusion.

I finally found a map of the campus and pointed in the proper direction. It was a bit of a walk but I finally made it. It was now exactly show time. I entered as quickly as possible and once again there were no signs on the walls about where to go. Like I had done previously, I simply choose a direction and hoped for the best. I had my ticket torn and then made my way to the door leading to the very front of the auditorium. I was standing behind 2 women that were also a bit confused. We opened the door together to see that the auditorium lights had just gone out and it was pitch black inside. Merchant’s band had just walked out on stage and the crowd was applauding. At this point, I uttered a mild obscenity, and the lady nearest to me giggled and said, “Shhh!”

Just then, Natalie Merchant came out on the stage and cheers from the crowd erupted. At the same time, I was trying to figure out where the heck my seat was and I was a bit confused. There were no ushers in sight and the only “worker” was the security guard sitting on the stage. He directed me to a row that just didn’t seem right but he also informed me that my seat number was way down on the left side of the auditorium, whereas I had entered via the right side doors. It made sense that I should just walk out the doors and go all the way around the other side.

While I was doing my walk, I ran into the SUV couple again and promptly said, “Why, hello again! I’m still lost!” I then made my way around the left side and through the front doors. I was standing behind 2 couples who were just coming back from the bar area. As we made our way through the door, Natalie Merchant, on stage, said, “Wow…they’re still coming in through the doors.” She was literally looking right at us! As I was trying to make my way to my seat as quickly as possible, she said, in a rather annoyed tone, “Come in, people…the show has started…” pretty much in my direction. How embarrassing! I hate when people arrive late and now I was “that guy”! Ugh!!

Anyhow, that was my fiasco in regards to getting to the show and so I had missed Merchant’s introduction speech about the project and such. She had not performed any music up until this point. She introduced the first song which was “The Sleepy Giant” and had only sung about 2 lines when she started coughing out of control. I’ve never seen this before in a show, although I’m sure it happens quite frequently. It was very obvious that her throat had clogged and she very calmly told the band, who was still playing the music without her singing, “We need to start over”. A few moments earlier, a couple more people had entered and sat down in the front row of the theater. Merchant tried desperately to clear her throat but it wasn’t cooperating. After numerous coughs, she did her best to lighten the moment with mild humor. She finally told the audience, “I hate to admit this to you but I should probably be one of those people who should live in a bubble. I think what happened was that someone who just came in had strong perfume and I got a big whiff of it.” Considering this was the first song, I had minor doubts about how the show was going to go. Within a matter of moments, though, the band restarted the song and Merchant’s voice came back as powerful as ever. I must say that she handled the whole thing very calmly and professionally.

From here, the whole regular show, meaning before the encores, was completely focused on the new album as I had hoped and predicted. Merchant talked and explained tidbits of information before each and every song and at times it almost felt like more of a lecture than a “rock” concert. Having said that, it was an absolutely brilliant presentation of the songs and extremely informative, allowing the audience to get a deeper glimpse into the project. Merchant also had a fairly large screen behind her which displayed various slides which she worked herself via a clicker device. There were pictures of the poets themselves, some illustrations from various works, and so on. The pictures of the poets were absolutely fantastic, at times showing off a side of the artist that I didn’t previously pick up on. Most of the slides were black and white and quite beautiful in their own rite. Some actually added a mildly eerie atmosphere that created an unprecedented mood within the auditorium. The presentation, at least for me, gave me a connection to the work in a very remarkable sort of way.

Merchant’s voice, once it was fully back, was simply beyond words through the entire evening, constantly outdoing itself. It filled and echoed around the interior of the theater and seemed as dense as fog over a harbor. It’s interesting because when Merchant speaks to the audience, she uses a rather soft and quiet tone. Then, when she starts singing, the volume and thickness of her voice is about 10 times her speaking voice. The sound in general in the theater was also amazing, probably due to the concrete walls and such. It was mixed perfectly and it really made the music stand out. It was one of those rare shows when all the various elements came together and worked perfectly in unison.

Merchant’s persona throughout the evening was also interesting. She completely exudes confidence in everything she does, even coughing, and seems to really speak her mind. She made several comments that made me a bit shocked, one even about how the theater seemed “cold” upon arrival to sound check due to all the concrete, and how she was worried for a bit about how the show would unfold. I believe she even compared the interior of the building to a concrete bunker. Whereas most artists are busy thanking the theater and its’ owners endlessly, Merchant went the opposite direction and I’ve just never heard anyone do that before. The funny part was she was absolutely correct; it does like a bit like a prison in there! But, just as she later pointed out, no matter what it looked like, they ended up making “beautiful music” that evening and the sound was impeccable. So, ironically, I really quite recommend the theater, especially for its’ intimate setting.

There was also an interesting moment when two gentlemen came and sat down in the very first row during the middle of a song. There had been no one sitting there for the entire performance and clearly Merchant had noticed this. She turned around on stage for a bit during the song and then turned back to see these two gentlemen now sitting there, probably like a hocus pocus sort of thing. She did the most hilarious double take, right in the middle of singing a phrase, and then gave a small smile/smirk. I could only imagine what it was that she was thinking and it made me want to wi-fi connect to her private thoughts.
Stand out songs were “Bleezer’s Ice-Cream”, “Adventures of Isabel”, and “The Peppery Man” which simply “rocked” the house. Like only a very small handful of shows do, it was so amazing that it actually brought a tear to my eye. The strange part was that, while I was sitting there like many others in amazement, some people were actually walking out! I couldn’t understand it. Were they late for another engagement? Did they not know or like any of the new material and they only came to hear Merchant’s older hits? If so, didn’t they understand that she’d probably get to those during the encore, so why leave then?! I was a bit puzzled and halfway tempted to follow someone and ask but that would have meant missing the show.

The first part of the performance lasted about an hour and a half. After a short break, the screen disappeared and the first encore began. Merchant played four tracks, none of which were the big hits that were probably expected. One track was “Life is Sweet”, quite a lovely rendition that was rather moving. All four songs were a bit slower and more mysterious, if you will, and quite enjoyable. My favorite was “The Worst Thing” from the “Motherland” album which truly held a strange mystique that was quite captivating.

The second encore completely consisted of four of her biggest hits. Like I’ve already stated, I’m not a big fan of most of these tracks but I must say that they came off much more to my tastes using this more diverse band and arrangement. One of the real highlights was Merchant calling local artist Jevetta Steele to the stage, who happened to be in the audience that evening, to help her sing “Kind and Generous”. From what I gathered, Merchant and Steele met back in the 80’s and actually sang on 10,000 Maniacs’ “Trouble Me”. “Kind and Generous” isn’t exactly my favorite tune on Earth but the energy between the two was amazing and it really captivated the entire audience in a random and impromptu sort of way. This ultimately ended the show and what an amazing ending it was, filled with multiple hugs between Steele and Merchant.

It truly was a show like no other. It’s funny because there were so many issues throughout the evening, starting with her voice tickle and then moving on to many forgotten lyrics, misses of portions of songs, etc. In the end, none of it mattered; in fact it literally made the show even more endearing. For any fan of “Leave Your Sleep”, all I can say is that if you have the chance to see her live on this tour, you simply must for it’s not to be missed.

Bill Frisell Still Amazes...

I had the pleasure of seeing Bill Frisell perform last week at the Dakota Jazz Club in downtown Minneapolis. This particular show was billed as “Bill Frisell’s Beautiful Dreamers”, referring to the new album that’s coming next month of the same name. The trio, consisting of Eyvind Kang and Rudy Royston, gave us a sneak peek at the new music.



I never fully know what to expect when I see Frisell live. The only hint I ever get is by looking at who’s appearing with him, and seeing Rudy Royston on the bill tipped me off that it would probably be leaning more avant garde, my personal preference. The show did not disappoint. It was moody, at times slightly bizarre, and other times quite lovely. Frisell really looked comfortable with both the band and the material and it was definitely one of the better shows I’ve seen him do in awhile. The album should definitely be exciting! Frisell was playing a white custom made Tele styled guitar that had a standard Gibson-esque block headstock (I have no idea what make it was).

Adventures in the Midwest: Grandview...Not So Grand!

I moved back to the Midwest a few years ago after living in Phoenix, AZ, for 21 years. I had held dreams for quite some time of moving to a place that had a sense of respect for buildings and structures that were more than 5 years old. Phoenix is a city where everything is basically brand new and sparkling clean all the time, and if it isn’t like that, even if only after a few years of being around, it seems to promptly be either torn down or remodeled. I was born in the Chicago area and so the Twin Cities area seemed like it would ultimately be a great fit for me.

I really hadn’t bargained for a lot of things that I’ve encountered since moving here, most of which I’ll simply keep to myself (or for another article). Suffice it to say that moving from the West to the Midwest has many more differences than just the age of the buildings. I’ve also found “Minnesota nice” to be a bit of a…well…misnomer. As my sister said to me a few years ago, “I think you’re going to find that you’re a lot more Western than you think.” She was absolutely correct.

One strange example of this is a recent visit that I made to a movie theater in St. Paul called the Grandview Theater. I had driven past it countless times and, although it looked rather simple from the outside, I felt it had the potential to possibly be a real treat. My biggest concern with the theater, though, was that I hardly ever saw anyone actually hanging around the theater let alone going into it. Still, it is located very near a college campus and that could maybe explain it. Perhaps it’s busier during odd hours? Either way, it mildly piqued my interest.

In Phoenix, I was an avid Harkins’ Camelview patron. For anyone that knows the theater, this basically means that I’m a huge fan of independent, foreign, and art films and rarely watch anything mainstream. In the Twin Cities area, I’m a big fan of the Edina Theater. It’s got a cool 60’s kind of feel, sort of like “2001: A Space Odyssey”, and yet is clean, comfortable, and rarely ever completely packed to an uncomfortable standpoint. Their usual customer also seems to be of a more elegant, intelligent crowd, versus having to deal with teenagers wanting to see the latest teeny bopper film. Also, parking is free and the popcorn is top notch, and I think that goes for any Landmark Theatre in general. There are also the Uptown and Lagoon theaters but I’m not a big fan of either simply because of where they’re located and the incredible inconvenience of getting there. For me, the Edina is near perfect, except it’s quite far from where I live.

Anyhow, a couple weeks ago, I wanted to go see “The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo” and the scheduled times at the Edina, as is often the case, were completely inconvenient for me. The Grandview, though, fit with my schedule. I’ll admit I was a bit reluctant at first but, hey, I had been meaning to check it out anyway.

The Grandview Theater is listed as a Mann Theater on the web. I’m very familiar with the Mann Theater brand but I do believe this is a different brand altogether since it’s designated by the name of “Mann MN”. There’s also a short “About Us” page that pretty much talks only about local theaters that the Mann family purchased and owned. Hmm. This acted as a minor red flag for me but I chose to ignore it. There’s nothing like owning a theater and calling it the “AMC Theater”…but oh, it’s not that AMC, it’s AMC Minnesota… Yeah, sure.

I got there early since I wasn’t sure what parking would be like, and again, being an Arizonan, parallel parking still makes me rather nervous since we never really had to do that out there (parking is everywhere and abundant and paying to park is almost completely unheard of unless you’re going to a high profile event). I was pleased to see that I could park almost right in front of the theater and I didn’t have to put money in the meter. It certainly didn’t appear to be crowded but that wasn’t really anything new.

Now, before I continue, please understand that I’m rather into visiting old theaters, seeing structures with history, etc. I’ve spent a ton of time in the L.A. area literally going to old theaters just to admire the interior. This is a bit of a hobby for me and I’ve seen some beautiful places. And so, upon entering the Grandview, I was a bit excited to see what it was all about.

I walked through the door into the lobby and was immediately shocked since there was practically no lobby. Older theaters usually put a lot into this area, making it almost over the top extravagant. The Grandview, though, was already different. To my right was a small counter that angled, forming both the ticket area and the concession stand. Both looked incredibly run down and old (dare I say nasty?). The concession area was suspect enough that I wondered if it was even sanitary, and then I quickly started pondering if I should skip the popcorn, even though it’s one of my true passions in life.

There were 3 college students working the combination ticket/concession area. They were deep in conversation when I entered through the doors and basically looked at me with a “what do you want?” sort of look. I truly felt like I was interrupting and nearly apologized.

I purchased a ticket for “Dragon Tattoo” and the girl handed me my ticket stub. Since she didn’t offer any direction as to where I should go, meaning what theater and in what direction, I assumed it must be self explanatory, no? I turned around and there was a large theater right in front of me. I was looking for a sign that read what film would be playing in this particular theater but there wasn’t any. I couldn’t find another theater, though, and so, maybe this was the only movie playing at this time? I wasn’t really sure. In any event, I entered the theater.

I was immediately hit with the scent of urine from the back rows. Wow! It was a true “grand” scent! The first thing you notice about this theater is that it’s completely red, kind of like the scene in the movie “The Shining”…you know, after the elevator doors open up and all the blood runs out into the lobby? Or, maybe a better comparison is the infamous red room in the basement in “The Amityville Horror”? Either way, there’s a heck of a lot of red going on, enough to make me nervous! The theater also doesn’t look like your typical movie theater of the era at all but instead resembles a sort of redone dance hall. The room is really long, whereas most theaters are wide, and I mean really, really long! I sat about midway and then realized just how tiny the screen was for the length of the room; I decided to move up closer. I’ve never seen such a small screen in such a long room. It was like watching my family’s old 25” rabbit eared TV in our basement back from the 70’s.

After sitting down, I started to take in my surroundings. Strangely, I was the only person in the theater and I sat there looking around, laughing to myself internally, a bit dumbfounded. A few moments later, 2 college aged girls came in and sat a few rows in front of me. It was then that I noticed that the screen was showing the usual advertisements. This is pretty normal today except for the fact that the screen was so blurry that you couldn’t read anything on it! It was quite comical, to say the least. I was trying to read the phone numbers for the various businesses and couldn’t even make them out. Stranger yet, some of the advertisements were just downright bizarre and quite laughable, that is, when you could make out a word here or there.

The ceiling was very high and in a strange rounded sort of shape. It should be said that the theater has nothing ornate about it: there are no carvings, nothing really made of wood or anything. It’s about as plain as can be, in my opinion, and quite…well, hideous, really. It was then that I heard the popcorn popping. Ahh! Well, at least the corn will be fresh and not sitting in that nasty looking bin for who knows how long!

I left the theater, glanced around again for any sign of another theater, purchased my popcorn and coke, and then sat back down. Still, no one else had shown up. The movie was now scheduled to start within the next few minutes.

It was then that I kept hearing short bursts of talking coming from the lobby, doors opening and closing, but no one ever entered the theater. Was I in the wrong theater indeed? And, if I was, where the heck was the other theater? Why was there no sign, and more importantly why didn’t they tell me when I got the ticket? I was most definitely confused. I decided to wait until exactly 2 minutes after the scheduled start time. If the movie previews hadn’t begun, I would brave the lobby one more time and seek help.

After the two minutes passed with no film, I went back to the ticket counter. Once again, the college girl looked at me like, “Um, what do you want now??” I asked, pointing in the direction of the only theater in sight, “Is this the theater for ‘Dragon Tattoo’?” She continued to chew her gum, roll her eyes and barely make any eye contact, and said, “No, that’s upstairs.” “Oh,” I said, and then realized I had no idea where upstairs was! Sheepishly, I asked, “So, how do I get up there?” “It’s over there,” she replied, pointing towards the main theater. I still had no idea what she was talking about but clearly I wasn’t getting any help out of this person!

I reluctantly walked back to the main theater and noticed a strange looking open door to the right. It really more or less resembled a service door, or something that a customer shouldn’t be entering. Again, there was no sign anywhere saying “Theater - this way!!!” or anything about a movie playing. I decided to enter it since this had to be it, right?

I walked through the doorway and found it to be very dark inside. I realized that it was actually a small stairway that immediately turned to the left. There were tiny little lights on the wall, about the size of clear white Christmas lights, and that was about it. I could hear voices, though, so I figured I must be heading in the right direction, or else I was about to be the uninvited guest crashing someone’s party or conference!

I continued stepping upwards with absolutely no idea where the heck I was going and found another turn to the left. Two seconds later, I popped my head up above a short wall at the end of the stairs to find that there was small audience looking at me. I was completely disoriented momentarily. What the hell?! I looked behind me and there was the movie screen, already playing the movie. The stairwell popped me out at the front of the theater, not the back!

Seeing that the movie was already playing, meaning there evidently weren’t any previews, I sat in the first and most accessible seat I could find which was on the right side of the theater. After about one moment I realized this wasn’t going to work. You see, this theater is exactly on top of the other one, and whereas the ceiling of the main theater is rounded, well, so is the floor of this theater. The real difference, though, is whereas the other was extremely long, this one was extremely short with only about 10 rows, and yet the same width. The screen in this little theater was huge for the size of the room, so much so that when watching a movie with subtitles, the words are basically on the floor from your eye’s perspective. Sitting in the side sections meant that you could barely read the subtitles. Geesh!

I strategically moved to the center section as soon as I found a seat that I could easily get into without interfering with other movie watchers. It was in the last row, which again, isn’t very far back. The next oddity I noticed was that the ceiling was only a couple feet above my head which felt really odd, especially since the screen was much higher than the ceiling above the audience. What kind person builds this sort of place???

The topper, though, was that there was a very large rectangular vent in the middle of this low ceiling. The air conditioner kicked on from this vent about every 5 minutes and ran for 10 minutes at a time. It was not only extremely noisy but was blowing air at a furious pace, to the point that I had the equivalent of a very cold ocean breeze blowing directly in my face for 2 ½ hours of a movie. I think this might have been the only vent in the room, hence why it seemed to be blowing at max power. Considering where it was positioned and how low the ceiling was, I think it’s impossible to not feel this vent no matter where you sit in the middle section of this theater.

Given all of that, the movie was decent and I survived! It was truly an experience but not the kind I, um, had bargained for. Also, as it turned out, the main theater that I was originally sitting in was playing “Ironman 2” that evening. Eeew! Talk about horror! I felt like I needed a shower after just sitting in the theater let alone potentially watching that movie!

And now, let’s tie this all together… In Phoenix, we had a couple of rather cool theaters from the 50’s and 60’s era, one called Cine Capri and the other the Kachina. Both were sold and torn down, mostly because they were “old”. These were both pretty cool places, though, and rather unique. Cine Capri especially was very well loved and respected by the whole town and it was a real tragedy when Dan Harkins sold out and let it be torn down for some new high rise office buildings.

Out here in Minnesota, though, you’ve got somewhere like the Grandview, which is literally anything but ‘grand’ or a ‘view’ and it’s still standing! So, it just goes to show the opposite extremes from different parts of the country. Even scarier, there are a few user reviews on various websites talking about the Grandview Theater. One person even said that it’s a great “art deco theater”. I can only assume this person has no clue what that term means because there’s nothing art deco about the Grandview in any shape or form! From the reviews, it seems that many locals like the Grandview. Um…I guess it’s a matter of taste and to each his own???

Take my advice: if you want to see some really beautiful old movie theaters, try Los Angeles or Chicago. If you feel like being a part of the Amityville Horror, the Grandview is definitely your place!