They're probably 2 of the worst foods for you, although I have no proof to back up that claim but that is a logical guess. They're also 2 of the best foods for enjoyment...ever...in my opinion. In fact, they so "have my number" that I simply can't resist them, hence why they're not allowed in the house. I've gotten a bit better at resisting the Doritos urge (my personal favorite is the Tapatio variety...my god) but the Cheetos urge, my crutch being the Flamin' Hot variety, do tend to call me in like Satan on the steps of the Vatican.
I liked regular Cheetos, especially Crunchy but sometimes Puffy, enough as it was, but once they invented Flamin' Hot it was all over. I mean, it was immediate and complete total love. It was like someone invented the perfect food to literally do me in. Resistance was futile. I'd just look at a bag and could feel 5 lbs. of fat forming around my abdomen.
And then, I got older, and my stomach got worse and worse. These days, if I eat something like Cheetos or Doritos, it's pure bliss going down and then hours of pain after. Due to this, I've had to really stack up my resistance factors but still the evil does call to me on occasion, sometimes in the middle of the night.
Last week, I stupidly read a headline that said something like 'people were going crazy over this new Flamin' Hot variety'. Dumb, dumb, dumb, because I immediately was on a quest to find a bag of the new Flamin' Hot Cajun Cheddar Cheetos. This prompted an accidental bumping into Crunch Buffalo Cheetos at the store. Foolishly, both varieties ended up in my pantry at the same time and, no joke, both disappeared within a matter of days. Having said that, the stomach pains still haven't stopped.
The funny part is that neither lived up to the hype. I mean, I could almost argue that the flavor wasn't that great. Ah, yes, but it's something about that damn crunch that gets me every time, coupled with the heat, and so the addict in me comes out in full force and the next thing I know over half the bag is gone. On average, it takes two sittings to down a bag and that's only because I force myself to stop; I mean, I could easily eat the whole bag in probably a matter of 7 minutes. When they say that these foods are chemically altered to psychologically stimulate people to eat them, it's no joke. This sh*t is powerful.
Even weirder, though, we as a society seem to be obsessed with "crossover foods". They're everywhere these days, and why? I have no clue. I personally don't like them...I mean, the regular Flamin' Hot Cheetos are literally a perfect food - how can you possibly perfect it?! And yet, we try, and then idiots like myself down the bag in a marathon fashion while not even liking the flavor. In fact, it just makes me that much more likely to now go buy a bag of regular Flamin' Hot Cheetos so I can down those since I didn't get satisfied the first time around. It's clearly a ploy.
Back to crossovers, though, why are we obsessed with this? I get emails all the time lately about the BBQ Chicken pizza. I mean, huh?! If you want BBQ chicken, why not just eat BBQ chicken?! Why do you need that in pizza form? Then, we do pizza flavored other things. It's all very puzzling and it personally drives me a bit nuts. Now, I'll admit that I do like some of it, that is when I do indulge, but for the most part I try to steer clear, if nothing else for the sake of my poor stomach and intestines.
For this round, Cheetos definitely won. Score - Cheetos 10, me 0. Ah, but I'll avoid ya next round, I swear, I swear. Oh, if only.
No comments:
Post a Comment