It's Not Allowed

There are two foods that are simply banned and not allowed in my household:  Cheetos and Doritos.  Yes, that's right, there's an "if you see this snack, call 1-800-XXX-XXXX" 'wanted' style poster on my kitchen wall, warning everyone of the potential danger.  They're armed...and dangerous.  Beware!

They're probably 2 of the worst foods for you, although I have no proof to back up that claim but that is a logical guess.  They're also 2 of the best foods for enjoyment...ever...in my opinion.  In fact, they so "have my number" that I simply can't resist them, hence why they're not allowed in the house.  I've gotten a bit better at resisting the Doritos urge (my personal favorite is the Tapatio variety...my god) but the Cheetos urge, my crutch being the Flamin' Hot variety, do tend to call me in like Satan on the steps of the Vatican.

I liked regular Cheetos, especially Crunchy but sometimes Puffy, enough as it was, but once they invented Flamin' Hot it was all over.  I mean, it was immediate and complete total love.  It was like someone invented the perfect food to literally do me in.  Resistance was futile.  I'd just look at a bag and could feel 5 lbs. of fat forming around my abdomen.

And then, I got older, and my stomach got worse and worse.  These days, if I eat something like Cheetos or Doritos, it's pure bliss going down and then hours of pain after.  Due to this, I've had to really stack up my resistance factors but still the evil does call to me on occasion, sometimes in the middle of the night.

Last week, I stupidly read a headline that said something like 'people were going crazy over this new Flamin' Hot variety'.  Dumb, dumb, dumb, because I immediately was on a quest to find a bag of the new Flamin' Hot Cajun Cheddar Cheetos.  This prompted an accidental bumping into Crunch Buffalo Cheetos at the store.  Foolishly, both varieties ended up in my pantry at the same time and, no joke, both disappeared within a matter of days.  Having said that, the stomach pains still haven't stopped.

The funny part is that neither lived up to the hype.  I mean, I could almost argue that the flavor wasn't that great.  Ah, yes, but it's something about that damn crunch that gets me every time, coupled with the heat, and so the addict in me comes out in full force and the next thing I know over half the bag is gone.  On average, it takes two sittings to down a bag and that's only because I force myself to stop; I mean, I could easily eat the whole bag in probably a matter of 7 minutes.  When they say that these foods are chemically altered to psychologically stimulate people to eat them, it's no joke.  This sh*t is powerful.

Even weirder, though, we as a society seem to be obsessed with "crossover foods".  They're everywhere these days, and why?  I have no clue.  I personally don't like them...I mean, the regular Flamin' Hot Cheetos are literally a perfect food - how can you possibly perfect it?!  And yet, we try, and then idiots like myself down the bag in a marathon fashion while not even liking the flavor.  In fact, it just makes me that much more likely to now go buy a bag of regular Flamin' Hot Cheetos so I can down those since I didn't get satisfied the first time around.  It's clearly a ploy.

Back to crossovers, though, why are we obsessed with this?  I get emails all the time lately about the BBQ Chicken pizza.  I mean, huh?!  If you want BBQ chicken, why not just eat BBQ chicken?!  Why do you need that in pizza form?  Then, we do pizza flavored other things.  It's all very puzzling and it personally drives me a bit nuts.  Now, I'll admit that I do like some of it, that is when I do indulge, but for the most part I try to steer clear, if nothing else for the sake of my poor stomach and intestines.

For this round, Cheetos definitely won.  Score - Cheetos 10, me 0.  Ah, but I'll avoid ya next round, I swear, I swear.  Oh, if only.

  

Scatterbrained

I hadn't realized that I missed posting in June.  Hmph!  I've been trying to post at least every month but apparently I forget on occasion.  Even worse, I get these ideas for a blog post that come to me usually at odd moments, and I mean to write them down really quickly but by the time I get to my computer they've flown out my other ear, to be lost for all eternity.  I do remember one of them, though, and perhaps I'll still post it so I'll leave that out for now.  Other than that, though, I'm at a loss.

So, how are things with everyone?  I will say things are decent here.  I've of course been incredibly busy, hence the lack of writing in some regards, and time is simply passing by at a continually alarming rate.  I did manage to get the EP printed and released (check!).  I also managed to get some t-shirts in motion (double check!).  I am still struggling with the second EP, a task which feels like it may never end at this point, but I literally almost work on it nightly, doing my endless tinkering.  Just call me the tinkerer; it's better than the other words that some have called me.

I also had my 6 month follow up at the derm's office.  Yes, that's right, I have 5 more spots that have formed on my head.  Oh joy!  If these are surgically removed, I'll be up to 17 total.  Ridiculous, especially for someone who 1) never leaves the house and 2) basically lives in darkness.  I can't help but feel like this is a conspiracy of sorts.  At this point, I'm considering getting a toupee since at least it would cover up the majority of my head from the sun on the rare occasions that I actually leave the house.  Hell, Thomas Dolby just did it, why can't I?!

Knowing my frustration, my dermatologist finally offered me the option of using the chemo cream option to help burn off any remnants on my scalp before they turn to all out cancerous spots.  And so, I've been doing that for a week and a half and...low and behold...absolutely nothing.  My next door neighbor used this same cream and his entire scalp and face turned beet red, with the skin coming off like a really bad sunburn, etc., which means that the cream is doing its job.  For me?  Nothing, apart from a slight shinier sheen to my skin.  I mean, how can I possibly have the skin of iron that the chemo cream can't penetrate when I'm obviously so very susceptible to actual skin cancer?!  Yes, folks, this is my life.  I'd be a liar if I said I was shocked by the irony in this.

In other news, my eye conundrums simply continue but so far, fingers crossed, it doesn't seem like my retina has torn again...yet.  I had a lot of fun with ordering glasses this year, however.  Imagine trying to take an eye test, where they're trying to figure out the correct prescription for you by asking which version in the little hanging glass thingy looks better, and then imagine that you can't really see straight to even tell.  Yes, that was the fun I had, and I literally had to order about 6 pairs of glasses from Liingo.com before more or less getting it right (it's actually hard to say that because, well, I don't see well enough to say that with full confidence).  I will add that all the folks that I dealt with at Liingo.com were absolutely amazing so I can't recommend them enough.

I eventually decided to get more expensive lenses put into my frames because I figured it might be a better idea given my situation.  Well, this opened a whole new can of worms because apparently your basic level optician doesn't seem to understand that you may not see well enough to answer the questions in a straight forward manner.  This led to minor arguments, discussions, sending glasses back repetitively, and so on.  My personal favorite was that this particular optician, of which I don't think has any business being in the business, insisted on taking my new frames that I had just perfectly fit to my face and then bent them in a manner that's left them completely crooked.  Hmm.  Yes, that's service in 2024 for ya.  Needless to say, I don't recommend this optician; in fact, I'll go out on a limb - she's a complete idiot.  She may be nice and sort of pretty...but she's a complete moron, in my opinion.  Avoid at all costs!

I know I had something else to share but I'll be damned if I can remember what that was.  I seem to say this more and more these days.  The older you get, the less you remember, and sometimes that's actually for the better.  And so, I'll end here.  More later...hopefully.