McCrappe!

I think I had one of the worst coffees ever today. I saw an ad on TV yesterday for $1 McCafe drinks at McDonalds until December 5th and figured I’d give them another chance. I had tried a mocha at one of the ten million fast food chain’s establishments previously and was rather disappointed (but not surprised) to find that it was simply a hot chocolate with a spot of bad coffee in the middle of it. I’m not entirely sure but I may have even tried another one at a later date, just in case the first one was “off”. Well, it wasn’t. I figured for a dollar, though, how can you go wrong, right?

This time around I opted for a latte. I was shocked to be asked, “What flavor would you like?” Huh? Flavor? Since when is a “latte” flavored? Oh boy, here we go. After the cashier read off my list of countless options, I simply chose one blindly, just to be done with the disturbing question altogether. I chose hazelnut.

One thing I can’t stand about McDonald’s McCafe drinks is that the freakin’ drink hole on the lid is about 5 times larger than anything you’d ever get at Caribou, Starbucks, etc. I think perhaps it goes hand in hand with their trademark large diameter straws that you can basically suck up large pearl sized tapioca balls with. The issue with the drink hole on the coffee is that it’s absolutely puzzling what to do with it. If you attempt to put your mouth around it, you’re basically drinking a beverage with your jaw hanging downward and your mouth agape. If you opt instead to just press your lips to it, you’re sure to burn the sides of your mouth, that is, unless you’ve been gifted with an incredibly large mouth. Perhaps the inventors of McDonalds were gifted in that fashion...that might explain it. Either way, the drink hole is downright disturbing, especially since it’s in a rather clunky square shape. Do you know anyone with a square mouth? Okay, let’s avoid that question altogether.

The cashier basically turned around and started assembling my beverage herself. This was starting to seem like a really bad idea more and more so. Now, keep in mind that I ordered a “latte”, a drink normally made with frothed milk and espresso. It’s really scary when the entire beverage can be assembled from one machine…by pressing simply one button. That’s right, there’s no espresso maker, no frothing machine, no nothing of the sort. Simply one button does it all on the same machine that dispenses countless other beverages. Yikes!

Well, how about the taste, right? I had to dig for the coffee in my drink and I’m pretty convinced that it wasn’t in there at all. All I could taste was sugar, like pretty much anything else McDonald’s makes (heck, even the salads have sugar in them), and then some bad hazelnut flavoring. The top of the drink was frothy, mind you, but not “froth”. Heck, let’s be honest: this wasn’t a latte at all. It was a bad flavored hot chocolate in coffee’s clothing.

Yes, I may have only spent $1 but surely I received nothing worth more than 1 cent. And so, a couple hours later, I ventured out to Caribou and received the real deal. Ah…the sound of real froth!

I applaud McDonald’s for trying to venture out and entice people with their $1 trial but seriously, folks, let’s just keep coffee where it belongs…in a coffee shop. Give it up, McDonald’s. I beg of you. Stick to what you do best…roping in small children at a young age and getting them hooked on excess sugar so that they get addicted enough to keep returning as they get older. Clowns shouldn't make coffee, plain and simple.