It’s been awhile since I’ve posted anything. I’m not lazy; the honest truth is that nothing too terribly interesting has happened over the past couple of months. Sometimes, you simply have to wait for the right moment to strike.
Well, something interesting happened today. I walked into the men’s restroom at work since the need and urge had struck me. The men’s bathroom is a rather narrow but long corridor that has two entrances, one from each side of the corridor. In the middle, there are toilets, and flanking each side are 2 urinals, two sinks, and of course the exit doors. I walked in to find a typical business suited younger man wearing glasses and a long expensive looking trench coat using one of the urinals. As he was doing his business, he was also texting on his cell phone. I semi admired him for his syncopation skills.
I walked to the urinal next to him and started doing my thing. Just then, he let out a rather long, drawn out fart, all the while still texting, completely engrossed in his cell phone. Clearly, his syncopation skills were even greater than I originally gave him credit for. I mean, urinating, texting, AND passing gas at the same time clearly takes some talent.
For you ladies out there, in case you’re not aware, this is a common occurrence in the men’s restroom, meaning the passing of gas randomly. I’ve had men pass gas at the sink while washing their hands. I also had a coworker of mine once pass gas as we were having a short conversation while standing near the sink. I’m not entirely sure how women act in the restroom but I can only hope and imagine that it’s slightly more civil, or at least I want to believe that.
People in general seem to choose their behavioral patterns based on the activity of others around them. So, one guy passes gas at the sink and the next thing you know it’s a trend. Pretty soon, we’ll all be in the lunch room passing gas at random and thinking nothing of it.
Some people outwardly say that passing gas is a normal human function and therefore should be embraced rather than reserved for, um, special private moments. Along the same lines, I’ve known plenty of younger women that amplify their belch’s as much as possible while in restaurants, and then follow it up with, “What?! It’s a totally normal human function!” Yeah, it is normal, but so is defecating…and I usually try to refrain from doing that in public too.
I’ve heard some men say, “If you can’t fart in the bathroom, then where can you?” That is a fairly decent point, when you think about it. I remember when I was a child that I would avoid using a public restroom like the plague for fear of making a “sound”. It took me years to get over that. Still, is making noise when actually doing your business the same as standing at a sink and letting ‘em rip? I’m not really sold on that one.
There are also all the people that like to talk on their cell phones while in the restroom. I’ve had moments when using one of the toilets when a voice suddenly out of nowhere asks, “So, do you have any plans this evening?” This always takes me by surprise. Are they talking to me? I’ve actually answered people before, saying something like, "No, not really...just hanging out and such." You can imagine how silly I feel when I realize that they all of sudden have taken a phone call and weren't exactly interested in my weekend arrangements. The really amusing part is that they probably think I'm the weirdo for answering, you know? Well, perhaps I am, now that I think about it. Either way, I always get shy when someone’s using the phone in the bathroom. After all, I don’t exactly like broadcasting my bowel movements over portable devices.
I think what caught me the most off guard was that this guy in the restroom looked like, from afar at least, a very sophisticated gentlemen type. The last thing I expected was a backfire. It’s funny that we don’t say hello to people we don’t know but yet we feel okay with tootin’ at them. Perhaps this will become the modern form of saying hello. I mean, why waste breath and energy when you can use a “normal human body function” to achieve the same purpose, right? Now, if only I knew how to text that.
